#1
Hi guitar brothers ^^. I have been planing on making a band (I am the Lyrics-Writer and Lead Guitarist) and was wondering if these Lyrics for our first song would be good.

Doom Room (Song's Name) by Reaper Order (Our Band's Name)

Every place has a 'suffering room'
many people call them Doom Room,
I wanna have one too,
I will turn this into a human zoo

screaming voices,
sorry choices,
deadly dices,
bloody juices

The place is red like bloom,
all hail the Doom Room

Every good night,
Human and death fight,
it's becoming my bednight program
ooo I enjoy it till the last gram!

Deadly traps,
useless maps,
sharp razors,
melting lasers!

The place is red like bloom,
all hail the Doom Room

watching that painful entity
suffering like having no identity
Show full of tearing flesh,
it will soon be over in a flash

Death is for those who hate it
Only those who hate it become hit
hold your hands together and pray
that by death you'll never decay

The Place is red like bloom,
all hail the Doom Room

When you enter the Doom Room,
You will see yourself loom,
On the wall will be your tomb
you'll better have a comb!

Life will never see you again
Love will never search for you again
Prepare to scream in real pain
cause the Doom Room is a real bane!

DDDOOOOOMMMM ROOOOOOOOMMMMMM
(THE SINGER ROARS WITH ALL POWER)

I wanna know if it's or
#4
Yeah well I was really Angry when I wrote these lyrics... Like Poets do when they are thinking of something, inspiration collides with thoughts and we start to write what we're feeling on a piece of paper...

Here's another I wrote : Reaper Order by Reaper Order

Hate above Love,
we live in a cove,
we destroy life,
we work for the afterlife

Tall and shining scythes
we have all the rights,
Demonic and scary masks
we are ready for our tasks

We are the Reaper Order
time by time this makes us prouder

The life we will paralize
The love we will sterelize
The world we will divide
The Reaper Order will live in pride


Life will be full of dread
The only reason we live for is dead
Love blood tears will shed
Hate pride and power will spread

We are the Reaper Order
time by time this makes us prouder

This world we will conquer,
no one will reconquer,
This pendant with this skull
The world this will dull

It will be our mark,
It shows the sign of the dark,
Every atom, every molecule,
We will rule

We are the Reaper Order
time by time this makes us prouder

cmon reapers, growl louder,
Let the voice hit every border,
Let fear spread in every corner,
We make your brains fastener

For us, you all behold
You shall shiver with cold,
Memorize what you have been told
You'll see it has the price of gold!

REAPER ORDER,
REAPER ORDER,
REAPER ORDER,
REAPER ORDER,
REAPER ORDER,

(Every band members growls and says 'Reaper Order')
(ONE AT A TIME)
#5
I agree that many of the rhymes are a bit corny, and on the whole, I don't like it. Maybe some variation in rhyming pattern, and how about some lines that don't rhyme? Break it up a bit, and maybe have a bit more subtlety in the lyrics...I guess that will come with experience though.
Gear:
Ibanez S470 (EMG 81/S/85)
Sigma DMC-15E
Laney VH100R
Laney 4x12 Cab
Ibanez Weeping Demon
M-Audio ProKeys 88
Mbox 3 Pro
KRK RP6 G2's
Plum Team FTW!

X
#6
Quote by BobMarleysGhost
I agree that many of the rhymes are a bit corny, and on the whole, I don't like it. Maybe some variation in rhyming pattern, and how about some lines that don't rhyme? Break it up a bit, and maybe have a bit more subtlety in the lyrics...I guess that will come with experience though.


Thanks for the suggestions BobMarleysGhost