#1
the war within

battling constantly
these voices in his head
clashing with his thoughts
making him weak instead

colliding repeatdly
lurking to be revealed
breaching frequently
a secret he's concealed

this war he cannot win
fighting the war within
trying to cleanse his sins
fighting a war within
nerves high the tension killin
still fighting the war within

a whirlpool of thoughts
he cant contain
fighting them constantly
he's goin insane

stuck in a predicament
coz he has to choose
who wins the war
if to himself he is to lose


this war he cannot win
fighting the war within
trying to cleanse his sins
fighting a war within
nerves high the tension killin
still fighting the war within
#2
Just to let you know before-hand, opinions are just that, they are opinions, dont let someone get you down, just put your emotions those people cause into a song and thatll make it pretty bad ass.
Its not exactly to my taste of musical lyrics but there is talent in you. The first part needs work, the word "instead" doesnt fit even though it does rhyme. I am kinda busy with my own stuff right now but I try to give people pointers when I do notice something wrong. (That I believe is wrong...)
Anyways, goodluck.
Rodney Of Anom...
#3
Not bad but I'd like to see a more varied vocabulary, as you will be able to express the emotions more acutely