#1
Arkham Asylum

a hushed girl with closed eyes,
puncturing whatever pursed
lip, or starchy lisp we gather,
it's another welcome to her
arms, lengths away we take
in each breath as a sign of life.
dots of noise,
little points on a plane where
we ask and wait for a uniform
response.
"Hey."
"Hey."

Here in these chests rest
articulate hearts beating
to the same intelligent design
that created us both. I'm of
the selfish lot, never drafting
my thoughts before speaking
my mind, I say a lot of things,
I mean and I don't mean.
So I kept saying "I love you."
Without knowing what I meant.

a point where we both
lay still,
a point where we both
are silent.

a point where loving you makes me want to blow a hole in the side of a prison.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#2
we ask and wait for a uniform
response.
"Hey."
"Hey."


a point where we both
lay still,
a point where we both
are silent.

a point where loving you makes me want to blow a hole in the side of a prison.


Those parts were great. Everything else felt like filler, because it all felt like I've read it in one of your other pieces. And yes, I do get the content/reference/inspiration difference. I'm just talking about general content.

Those parts made it a decent read though, specifically the last line.
#3
Picks up after a languid first three lines into a witty, honest piece.

Although I didn't like the arituclate/design idea. Brought a sort of mechanical idea of love that I know you often use, but here I felt the smoothness of the breathing and arms in the first stanza was a much better atmosphere for the ending to have, as it came out more shocking.

Idk, just my trillion zimbabwean dollars.