#1
Yo guys, so... crit 4 crit, and if you could, i'd like your interpetations on this too
ta loves, have a nice day
EDIT: ok, i dont want your interpretations actually, i'm gonnan tell you what its about.
its about getting wasted and having sex with someone you never actually would. its not about death, thats extended metaphor. and it has NOTHING to do with jesus..


Like christians in a led lined box
we did what most would dare do not, and so,
brothers and sisters, and lips with
car crash tendencies would
unite,
depart,
unite,
depart, and part
all with impartial hearts.

He'd say "my blood thrusts through my veins,
it runs thick in my quest to love and lust" and leave,
and trust he glued those lips of mine with his.

He was lancelot, I am Amoras
and together we drowned face down-
increasing gasping breaths came with
every stroke to the top,
sandpaper on sandpaper
(he'll wear me down eventually)
jigsaw pieces of sky and sea, we don't fit but oh,
we're high and wet
so the puzzles always easy.

I'll moan iloveyou- the reaction to a gun
being fired, the bullet slipping through me
yet he leaves- "we're different people".

Death was never so satisfying.


I was never so incomplete.
I know you think that I'm someone you can trust.
But I'm scared i'll get scared and i swear i'll try to nail you back up.



Female SouperHero
Last edited by cofinboy at Jul 26, 2008,
#2
Quote by cofinboy

Like christians in a led lined box
we did what most would dare do not, and so,
brothers and sisters, and lips with
car crash tendencies would
unite,(I get impressions of incest here)
depart,
unite,
depart, and part
all with impartial hearts.(Like this whole part)

He'd say "my blood thrusts through my veins,
it runs thick in my quest to love and lust" and leave,
and trust he glued those lips of mine with his.(Good so far)

He was lancelot, I am Amoras(Could use any couple in history)
and together we drowned face down-
increasing gasping breaths came with
every stroke to the top,
sandpaper on sandpaper
(he'll wear me down eventually)(I like the use of parenthesis)
jigsaw pieces of sky and sea, we don't fit but oh,
we're high and wet
so the puzzles always easy.(dont like this line)

I'll moan iloveyou- the reaction to a gun
being fired, the bullet slipping through me
yet he leaves- "we're different people".(I thought it started to fall apart here)

Death was never so satisfying.


I was never so incomplete.(I disliked the whole ending, I wish it would've been a cheesy love poem and not gone the killing him with a gun route.)


It was very strong beginning to middle, then it started to lose me towards the end.
Good variety of words, and great imagery.

Crit any in my sig. Thanks.
Last edited by Matt Chavie at Jul 24, 2008,
#3
i like candy.

Have you heard the song "Killing in the name" by R.A.T.M.? Well, the lyrics are inappropriete.


So I am going to change them to make them appropriete:


Praising in the name of!
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses

Huh!

Killing in the name of!
Killing in the name of

And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya

And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya

And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya

Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights.


Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights
Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights
Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights

Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses


Uggh!

Praising in the name of!
Praising in the name of

And now you do what He tells ya
And now you do what He tells ya
And now you do what He tells ya
And now you do what He tells ya
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control (7 times)
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya!

Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights.


Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights
Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights
Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights


Yeah! Come on!

I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me

I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me

I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me

I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me

I love you Jesus!
+++++++++++
Aalakazaam!+
+++++++++++
#4
Quote by benjama2
i like candy.

Have you heard the song "Killing in the name" by R.A.T.M.? Well, the lyrics are inappropriete.


So I am going to change them to make them appropriete:


Praising in the name of!
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses

Huh!

Killing in the name of!
Killing in the name of

And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya

And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya

And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya
And now you do what he tells ya

Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights.


Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights
Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights
Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights

Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses
Some of those that work with Jesus, are the same that live crosses


Uggh!

Praising in the name of!
Praising in the name of

And now you do what He tells ya
And now you do what He tells ya
And now you do what He tells ya
And now you do what He tells ya
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control (7 times)
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya, now you're under control
And now you do what He tells ya!

Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights.


Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights
Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights
Those who died are justified, living with God in the Heavanly lights


Yeah! Come on!

I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me

I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me

I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me

I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me
I love you, I will do what You tell me

I love you Jesus!



What the fuck is wrong with you?




love is a dog from hell.



#5
Quote by we have sound

What the fuck is wrong with you?


thanks XD
what a twat...
I know you think that I'm someone you can trust.
But I'm scared i'll get scared and i swear i'll try to nail you back up.



Female SouperHero
#6
Oh, poor Cassie.
Jesus just invaded ur thredz.

But seriously, I lovedddd this.
Your flow is really, really great. And your choice of language.
Fckn reply to me on msn though would 'ya?
I have no qualms with this.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.