#1
Back in the village they call me by name
Bound by the chains of my fathers
Familiar faces laugh and weep all the same
As my eyes descend into a crazed sickness

They pierce me - Their angel eyes
All in the relic shape of archaic stars

Years drown in the portrait of my life
As I've watched each god fall from grace
These mountains whisper the only truths
Never Refusing My Embrace

These callused hands still bleed
A symbol of my humanity
As the rivers run in A familiar hue
A testament to man's insanity

They pierce me - Their demon eyes
All in the relic shape of archaic stars

might edit and add more after some critiques c4c
Last edited by AgainsTheMirror at Jul 25, 2008,
#4
Quote by AgainsTheMirror

Back in the village they call me by (my?) name
Bound by the chains of my fathers(bound by father's chains?)
Familiar faces laugh and weep all the same
As my eyes descend into a crazed sickness

They pierce me - Their angel eyes(something better than angel)
All in the relic shape of archaic stars

Years drown in the portrait of my life
As I've watched each god fall from grace
These mountains whisper the only truths
Never Refusing My Embrace(caps lol)

These callused hands still bleed
A symbol of my humanity
As the rivers run in A familiar hue(good line)
A testament to man's insanity

They pierce me - Their demon eyes(something other than demon)
All in the relic shape of archaic stars

might edit and add more after some critiques c4c


Everything I posted were just suggestions to add more flow, or at least help along the way I read it. Interesting poem/song. Decent word variety, good adjetives. This was solid, but not OMG111 good.

C4C any in my sig. And thanks for using less caps!