#1
so ive been wanting to write songs for awhile and ive tried, but i never really felt connected to my lyrics.

well i met this girl who i completely fell in love with, it was my fault, she had a boyfriend, but i couldnt help but fall in love with her. she led me on, even tho i knew what she was doing i didnt want to believe she was just playing me because i loved her that much. it finally ended she told me what she really thought of me, it broke my heart.

but i now had a chance and the experience to write a wonderful song, with meaning and power. its not perfect, in fact this is just the first draft, but it means so much to me i just wanted to share it. THANK YOU to anybody who actually read this, i know u dont care u dont even know me, but i appreciate it. really.

so heres the song


[intro type deal]
I freeze like heat
and i float like concrete
yet again ive met defeat
you throw fake roses at me feet

[verse]
but when i want so bad for my sake
and ive tried so damn hard
and ive come so damn far
i expect a little more than
a second hand "I love you"
still i go on believin
cause i dont want the truth
its gotta mean somethin
cause i love her too

[chorus]
all the fake things and real things
look the same from afar
but one major difference
is that one will leave scars
but its better than wasting
your life and heart
all just for this
love that dont exist

[verse]
will i ever see
that its all the same
im chasin false prosperity
no lose no gain
but when ive come so damn far
and ive tried so damn hard
sometimes this unreality
is better than the pain



thats what i got so far
any input, be it positive or negative is vastly appreiciated
Last edited by JoshPeters92 at Jul 25, 2008,
#2
Pretty good, i dont think i have ever been able to write anything that good cause i have the same problem, i just cant get everything to connect or it doesnt make sense.

the only part i didnt understand was the second verse "nothing to lose nothing to gain"

i just thought that it seemed like you had nothing to gain and everything to lose...

but hey keep goin with it
#3
Quote by JoshPeters92


[intro type deal]
I freeze like heat
and i float like concrete
yet again ive met defeat
you throw fake roses at me(my) feet(I like all of the contradictions, shows what love does)

[verse]
but when i want(you?) so bad for my sake
and ive tried so damn hard
and ive come so damn far
i expect a little more than
a second hand "I love you"
still i go on believin
cause i dont want the truth
its gotta mean somethin
cause i love her too(I like this, seems more chorusy than verse to me)

[chorus]
all the fake things and real things(dont like this line at all)
look the same from afar
but(with instead of but?) one major difference
is that one will leave scars(scars=lame)
but its better than wasting
your life and heart
all just for this
love that dont exist)(chorus sucked a lot imo)

[verse]
will i ever see
that its all the same
im chasin false prosperity
no lose no gain
but when ive come so damn far
and ive tried so damn hard
sometimes this unreality
is better than the pain
(dont like this much either)


thats what i got so far
any input, be it positive or negative is vastly appreiciated



I really like the first two stanzas, the rest isnt very good. The later part seems anonymous and cliche. The first 2 stanzas would be great for a pop rock love song or ballad. It's late, if you want more advice/details say so, and I will add more tomorrow.

C4C any in my sig.