#1
Title is from a different song I wrote a long time ago, has nothing to do with the subject matter because I'm lazy. C4C

You said you'd be my mentor
And tell me all I'd need to know
About the world and its wonders
But so far there's not much to show
In the vein of an education
That I can use to save myself
From this mess I've gotten in
As logic's failed me I say, "Oh, well."

Remember the days when what didn't kill us
Only strengthened our resolve to become better
Satisfaction came easily, at least for me
And it would stay that way for eternity, it seemed
But it could all be taken away with a letter
At least for me

I knelt by your grave, a handle in hand
Downing back a swallow, I lost the will to stand
You didn't deserve this, an early sleep
But with your loss now I see
What you had been trying to get across

So this gun in my hand
Will remain fully loaded
No one chamber empty
I will not be goaded
Into taking the easy way out
My conviction's too stout
To let that happen
Not worth the momentary satisfaction
At least for me

Remember the days when our resolve
Was only strengthened by our faults
They haven't passed (they haven't passed)
Last edited by MarbleClear at Jul 25, 2008,
#2
'I knelt by your grave... I lost the will to stand'
Is pointless, or a really ineffective way of saying it.
'Goaded' isn't a good word to use.
Neither is 'stout'

Seems a bit wordy for the topics, but ah wells.
If it works, it works.
It wasn't bad, could just do with some editing up to make it better. Seems like you lost the flow at the ended and went to a rhyming dictionary for aide and chose any random words you could. Otherwise, this is good.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!