I awake this morning to this terrible pain in my lower abdomen. I think to myself, this is very similar to that one morning where I felt a terrible pain in my lower abdomen, as well. I think to myself, could this be appendicitis? I don't know, I'm not a doctor. Anyways, I make my way down the hall and into the bathroom where I proceed to pass stool. This takes a couple of minutes as I like to listen to my iPod as I dump.

So I grab 3 sheets of toilet paper and I wipe... I look at it and its a blueish-green... turquoise. I smell it and its absolutely horrendous. I peer into the toilet bowl and there is this strange turquoise substance resting in it.

At first, I think to myself, maybe I just ate a lot of vegetables lately, but I realize that I haven't eaten any vegetables in about, a month! Maybe it was some candy I ate, but I don't recall eating any candy within the past week.

Now I'm worried. What if this is some type of Turquoise Ejecting Cancer? I don't know, I'm not a doctor. I know I have some problems with passing stool because I only go about, once or twice a week, so this might have all lead up to this monstrous turd.

Does anybody know what disease I have and how do you cure it?
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