#1
it's been a long while since i've posted in UG...but i've recorded something new and want some opinions...

this one's called The Sleeper's Oath, and in a way it's my take on view of the "meaning of life," maturing, noble goals, etc. the instruments are as mentioned: acoustic guitar, ukulele, keyboard (drawbar organ setting with distortion), sampled drums, and handclaps (my own, of course).

The Sleeper's Oath:
http://advancederror.dmusic.com/

these are the lyrics...this is the first real set of lyrics i've written, after countless riffs and melodies:

Quote by The Sleeper's Oath by Edward Gonzales

Please, point me towards home
Don't know where it is
I lost it in a haze of immorality

Done nine dirty deeds [yes, hearkens to my love for AC/DC years ago haha]
Hope I've done ten good
Pray my best, some nights, for anonymity

Please tell me there's more
Than sleep/work/eat/die
I fear only a life kneeling before the clock

Wasting in one place
Sowing seeds by roots
Oh, my Lord, please keep me from this empty walk


Chorus:
No home, at last
Only the world to be my lonely company

I'll never sleep
If only it means the world becometh me


Am I young or old?
Lost or comfortable?
Does it really matter, can't I be it all?

Empty or whole?
At all meaningful?
Are the ends worth the means, the ascent worth the fall?

Questions unanswered
Take comfort in the search
For everything we first thought was not possible

Chorus


thanks, i'll crit back!
Quote by Iluvpowerchords
I like:

Phobos (he oozes cool)


Misfits and AC/DC Covers + original recordings (jazz/punk, hardcore, "shredish").
http://advancederror.dmusic.com
#2
ok, updated my recording, better vocals in places, better mixing. please check it out! crit for crit of course.
Quote by Iluvpowerchords
I like:

Phobos (he oozes cool)


Misfits and AC/DC Covers + original recordings (jazz/punk, hardcore, "shredish").
http://advancederror.dmusic.com
#3
Overall I thought it was really good, the mixing was good, and the writing and playing were good. The only things I wasn't a fan of was that when your vocals first came in, it wasn't near the voice I expected, and it just sounded a little weird to me when they come in, but after that, you are a pretty good singer, and it fit the music pretty well. I also wasn't really a fan of the distorted sounding synth all the time. Some of the time, when it was adding ambiance and stuff, it sounded good, but to me it came across some of the time as a cheap imitation of distorted guitar (I listened before I read the instruments used in your post). But the outro was really good, lyrics were decent (not amazing IMO, but good), and I loved the uke mixed with acoustic. What kind of uke do you use, and how much does it cost? I used to have a $17 baritone I bought for kicks and giggles, but I'd kind of like a real one (it broke).

If you want, you can crit one of my songs at http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=857683 and just message me or something.
Originally posted by ForTheOptimists
anal seepage diffiently takes the cake for me. Congratulations the_pick_gnome you are one sick twisted person :]
#4
thanks for the crit! yeah, when most people see me, they don't expect my singing voice either yeah, i tried to take off some of the distortion from the top end, but i wanted it to poke through the mix, so i kept it...it does tend to sound messy ("cheap" i guess you could say) if i keep the sustain pedal on.

as far as lyrics...yeah, it's my first complete set of lyrics. i tried my hardest to avoid lyrical cliches...obviously, i have a few, but i'm trying to massage them a bit. the lyrics mean a lot to me, maybe the subject matter is a little too obscured by the metaphor or doesn't have enough prefacing? basically the lyrics address the idea that the narrowly-focused career-based consumerist-supported lifestyle is all well and fine, but it doesn't provide any sort of completeness to a life. my answer to a fulfilling life that leads to greatest understanding is to make a "home of the world"...you can still buy all the things you want, do most of what you want, believe in a God or not, all that...but by making a "home of the world," you just intrinsically become a better person who serves others as much as yourself, give more than you take, enjoy life but not for fear of death...i explain it more in my blog if you wanna take a gander:

http://theeyesandi.blogspot.com/

as far as the uke+guitar combo, i love it too...it's something i fell in love with when i went to an impromptu anti-folk/punk show by the beach with an act that had an acoustic and ukulele. my ukulele was my grandfather's, and it was handed down to me...so i don't know how much it costs. it could very well be worth little monetarily, but it means a lot to me. sounds decent, at any rate
Quote by Iluvpowerchords
I like:

Phobos (he oozes cool)


Misfits and AC/DC Covers + original recordings (jazz/punk, hardcore, "shredish").
http://advancederror.dmusic.com
#5
I really enjoy it, I love the indie vibe the song gives off. The ukulele sounds perfect. The back up instruments we're great too, the only thing is they sound a little crunchy against the ukulele, I would just make it a little lighter. Your voice is great in this song however, and the lyrics are good. I would love to hear you raise the tone of your voice a little, other then that it fits very well
#6
thanks for the feedback. yeah, i'm reconsidering the keyboard sound now...i'll toy around with that when i get the chance. as far as my voice...without changing the key of the song, that's about as high as i can go haha. my falsetto isn't very solid either, so there's no way i'm going an octave up.
Quote by Iluvpowerchords
I like:

Phobos (he oozes cool)


Misfits and AC/DC Covers + original recordings (jazz/punk, hardcore, "shredish").
http://advancederror.dmusic.com