#1
bit of fun, c4c.

Indulge me
with literary fellatio.
Stroke my diction.
I want to know I made you sing:
Ohh baby, ohh baby.

Stand up.
Be counted.
Raise both hands when I call for
Ayes.

Do you love my writing?
"Aye."
Damn straight you do.

I'm no poet,
I'm a diety...
a legend.
Ancient Norsemen worship me,
the language god.


But at the end of the day,
I'm still a man with an imaginary ego
sitting behind a computer screen
hoping someone will believe the Norsemen.
#2
I'll be back either tomorrow or the next day. probably to rant about something I believe to be true but is actually just an immature unsubstantiated claim. oh well, you've been warned about the future. as of now, enjoy this bump.
#3
Quote by ZanasCross
bit of fun, c4c.

Indulge me
with literary fellatio.
Before you spit out the word "fellatio", I think we should have had a couple extra lines to get the rhythm. This was standing by itself, to me.
Stroke my diction.
I laughed heartily at that one, but it really felt immature. As in, too early in the piece.
I want to know I made you sing:
Ohh baby, ohh baby.

Stand up.
Be counted.
Raise both hands when I call for
Ayes.

Do you love my writing?
"Aye."
Damn straight you do.

I'm no poet,
I'm a diety...
a legend.
Ancient Norsemen worship me,
the language god.


But at the end of the day,
I'm still a man with an imaginary ego
sitting behind a computer screen
hoping someone will believe the Norsemen.


Not much to crit on. Decent, but it felt like it never dug its feet into the ground. It was always floating along.
#4
Quote by ZanasCross
bit of fun, c4c.

Indulge me
with literary fellatio.
Stroke my diction.
I want to know I made you sing:
Ohh baby, ohh baby.
This first stanza was quite peculiar; being a person that really appreciates awkward pices this caught my attention right away (especially knowing this came from you)

Stand up.
Be counted.
Raise both hands when I call for
Ayes.

Do you love my writing?
"Aye."
Damn straight you do.
AHAH... sounds like lame rap xD (I think that's the point btw)

I'm no poet,
I'm a diety...
a legend.
Ancient Norsemen worship me,
the language god.


But at the end of the day,
I'm still a man with an imaginary ego
sitting behind a computer screen
hoping someone will believe the Norsemen.
The last stanza is a contradiction to the previous; I really like when this happens almost like a "fuck everything I wrote; it's almost pointless"


Now, I'm pretty sure this was really just for fun and it must be taken by its intention. Being so, it was a really pleasant read; I had to check a few times if I was really reading something Zach wrote, but that final stanza was really -zC-ish... It was a good work man
#6
Stroke my diction.
definitely the high point for me.
it still had good impact
even though you took much of it away by being more obvious with the opener.

i didn't connect with the rest.
but that one line did make it worth the read.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#7
Thanks all. And yeah, SYK. Honestly, that line was the only thing I had in my head when I started writing this piece... I basically set out to use that line and this is what fell out. That's how I start all my pieces though, so yeah.

But again, thanks everyone, leave links if you haven't I'll get back to you eventually.

*takes out pen and paper and waits for Dylan to begin lecture*
#9
I dont really get the message of the piece, besides the loneliness of being a poet. But I enjoyed some of the lines as they were "literary fellatio" and "stroke my diction". I felt the first stanza was solid, but the rest lacked. Not your best piece, but I liked it for what it was. Thanks for taking a look at my pieces, sorry it took so long for me to get back. I'll do a larger critique on another piece, not to much here to tear into.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror