#1
Hi, I have this lysrics made up few days ago I would like if you say if its any good or not. Its the first time Ive wrote something like this so Please dont be wery critique, but Il acept all coments so here it is:
Everyone have lived through this
And now its my time to get pised
My old man always yealing at me
My mother dosent care about me
All of my friends have bad memory
This is my New discovery

Everyone who feels like me
And all of you who watched mtv
Scream it now with me:
Teen life sucks! Yes it does!

I think Im geting fed of this
But now I know how to get pleased
I will not folow these rules anymore
Cause Im a teen and I want war!

So everyone who feels like me
And all of you who watched mtv
Scream it now with me:
Teen life sucks! Yes it does!

now all of you grown-ups you beter run
cause if you dont then you are dumb!
We`ll try to make something we want
And we want to make ourselves a hell of a gun
But until that teen life still sucks!

So everyone who feels like me
Yes everyone who feels like me
And all of you who watched mtv
Scream it now with me:
Teen life sucks! Yes it does!
#3
Well I like it
Except the fact that I`m Arguing with my parents and I`m feeling really like living on my own and torture my neighbours with some Metal guitar
#4
Quote by proacher

Everyone have lived through this
And now its my time to get pised
"Pissed" is just plain awkward, and happens to be misspelled.
My old man always yealing at me
My mother dosent care about me
"Me" twice is too repetitive and forced.
All of my friends have bad memory
This is my New discovery
Starting a line with "This is..." usually has catastrophic, cliche results. And the tense is off. The mood here is that the kid has gone through all this stuff, so don't finish it off by saying "I just found this out". The closer should be something along the lines of "I can't take it" (witha different melody, of course).

Everyone who feels like me
And all of you who watched mtv
Scream it now with me:
Teen life sucks! Yes it does!
"Yes it does" might not work. If you have to, you can repeat "Teen life sucks" in its place.

I think Im geting fed of this
"fed of"? Do you mean "fed up with"? And on a different note, starting a line off with "I think", followed by something we know is true, shouldn't be done. He knows he'd fed up with life.
But now I know how to get pleased
I will not folow these rules anymore
Cause Im a teen and I want war!

So everyone who feels like me
And all of you who watched mtv
Scream it now with me:
Teen life sucks! Yes it does!

now all of you grown-ups you beter run
cause if you dont then you are dumb!
Bad bad rhyme. And the wording before that felt forced and jerky.
We`ll try to make something we want
Undecisive and undescript. Even if you don't want to put the description here, "something we want" was just a poor thought.
And we want to make ourselves a hell of a gun
Extends beyond the meter and messes with the rhythm.
But until that teen life still sucks!

So everyone who feels like me
Yes everyone who feels like me
And all of you who watched mtv
Scream it now with me:
Teen life sucks! Yes it does!


Sorry to tear it up, but I just didn't like it.
#5
Quote by Fi-Fi
you know what also sucks? Your grammar:P

well my gramar sucks cause english isint my original language, Im from lithuania
#6
Everyone have lived through this
And now its my time to get pised
My old man always yealing at me
My mother dosent care about me
All of my friends have bad memory
This is my New discovery
Bad ending, the rhyming feels forced. Don't need to rhyme every line, especially if it's an angry song, which this appears to be.

Everyone who feels like me
And all of you who watched mtv
Scream it now with me:
Teen life sucks! Yes it does!
Nice, apart from "yes it does!". That spoilt a pretty nice chorusy bit.

I think Im geting fed of this
But now I know how to get pleased
I will not folow these rules anymore
Cause Im a teen and I want war!
Last line, I majorly disagree with. However, if that's how you feel on the subject, it doesn't murder the flow or anything drastic like that

So everyone who feels like me
And all of you who watched mtv
Scream it now with me:
Teen life sucks! Yes it does!

now all of you grown-ups you beter run
cause if you dont then you are dumb!
We`ll try to make something we want
And we want to make ourselves a hell of a gun
But until that teen life still sucks!
Decaying into random phrases of anger; life doesn't suck on another note. It only sucks as much as you make it suck.

So everyone who feels like me
Yes everyone who feels like me
And all of you who watched mtv
Scream it now with me:
Teen life sucks! Yes it does!


Overall view: Poor, in short. I disagree with the views put across in this song, too. Random acts of violence aren't going to solve anything.

C4C?
#7
Quote by Fi-Fi
you know what also sucks? Your grammar:P
*reported*

a piece presented in S&L is not an open invitation for you to insult.
if there are grammatical errors, be specific.
otherwise, don't post.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#8
Thanks for all the critiques it was my first song so I didnt expected less. If you could give me tips on how to make this piece a beter one I would gladly accept it