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#1
When or if you die, use this thread as your last will and testament. Basically just write down your will and how you would like your funeral procession to go.

In the event that I, Pat ’****ing O’’ Reilly, ever cease to be... my funeral procession must proceed as thus:

First off, I would like to be cremated, but only half of me... top/bottom/left/right/miscellaneous chunks/whatever. Although I would prefer to be cut into bits (save my penis). Dismember me in a crowded public area and make it seem sexually gratifying. With my remains I would like to do several things:

With the chunks of flesh: They must be prepared by a five star chef in the most appetizing way possible. I would prefer the guy from Le Bec Fin to do it, take his wife and children hostage if you must, just as long as he’ll agree. In the event that this chef is not available, kill his wife and kids anyhow and get Mr. T to cook my bits. I would like the bits to be served to unsuspecting guests at my funeral (closed casket), and only after eating my bits will they be informed that they have done such. At the time that this becomes revealed to them I would like my casket to spring open revealing yup, you guessed it, strippers.

I want the strippers to be both male and female, and I would like a clown car effect to go on with the coffin(see if you can get a dozen or two strippers going on). I want lap dances given to any tight ass that may be at my funeral. At this point people should be disgusted, vomitting and attempting to leave where they will discover the doors are locked. Now you, my friends, burst in through the windows and beat as many people senseless with cro-bars as possible. Then make a daring escape (don’t let anyone out) and set the church aflame. Any of my friends may take two hot, female strippers (providing they don’t have the clap).

Set fire to the church.

With my bones: This is a more simple one, just get them to a fruit pectin coompany (the hippie alternativee to jell-o) and make sure they get turned into hippie food. With any luck a bunch of filthy vegetarians will eat me (literally) and the company will be shut down.

With the ashes: I need you guys to infiltrate a classy restaurant, with handheld fans and my ashes, then spray the customers with my dead dusty ass. Make sure to inform them of what it is and if you have the heart, throw up on the floor. Then take a dump on the vomit, then push anyone who tries to stop you into the tossed cookies and **** puddle. Also rape them.

After all this is done, I would like an enormous, solid-gold mausoleum erected in my honor. All my earthly possessions, including my wife and kids, will be placed inside. Tell the news media that all of this stuff is in my tomb. Rig my tomb with explosives. When greedy grave-robbers come to take my stuff


...

Boom.

Mail Congress every year on the anniversary of my death and request a national holiday in my honor. If they disagree then they are bitches.

Also, cocks.


I think this covers all of the bases.

Now post yours. (seriousness is welcome if you desire)
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# Un-nominated in UG Top 100,
#3
You said erected..*giggles maniacally*

Anywho. I'd like to be shot out of a cannon, straight at the ground, until I make a hole 6 feet down. Also, they should have I cum blood on a loop.
My Gear:
Yamaha FGX720SCA
#4
I request that at the ceremony it will have to be an open casket, only they'll put my body upside down in the coffin so everyone will see my old decrepit nutsack and weiner one last time before I'm put into the ground.
#5
...


Bye.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#6
I'm gonna laugh when you die and they take this as your will since you've never made a real one.
I actually do have schizophrenia, so stop making fun of people who have it.

GEAR:
Boss ME-50
Silvertone Paul Stanley Apocalypse (modded)
Squier Affinity Strat (modded)
Italia Modulo 2
Fender Front 15G
#7
Be sure to show your friends and family so that they know of your wishes.
I've decided that my signature is terrible. I'm open to suggestions.


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# Un-nominated in UG Top 100,
#8
I would say mash F5 and use the dam search bar.
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Put scotch tape on your penis and icy hot on your balls

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What the hell does that have to do with freeing whales from pirates?
#9
I didn't see anything when I searched... sorry if there's already a thread on this.
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# Un-nominated in UG Top 100,
#10
I want to be dropped from an airplane at 30,000 feet over new york city wearing a Superman outfit
Quote by Chungavelli
I know this Jewish guy who pierced his asshole.
#11
When I'm old and about to die, I put on a suit, get in a plane, and jump out without a parachute, attempting to land in my casket right before the funeral starts.

Then they proceed with the funeral.
YEAH
#12
i want to be cremated. then you are to mix the ashes in with cement, and make a lifesize statue of me and put it on display at the center of times square, exactly where the ball drops on new years. move the ball if you have to.
#13
Quote by Bama Jama
I would say mash F5 and use the dam search bar.


That's a weird funeral..
My Gear:
Yamaha FGX720SCA
#14
I wish to have me and my guitar Cremated and our ashes spread in the Grand Canyon.

But that's really in my will.
He's a freak of nature, but we love him so.

Quote by John Frusciante
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#15
I'm going to go with the classic: I want my body to be dressed in my chainmail armor, my sword and shield laid across my chest, and laid to rest atop a pyre made of Ibanez and ESP guitars. This pyre will be floated atop a dragon longboat into the midst of a lake filled with the blood of my enemies. A chorus of a thousand naked virgins will wail out my last rites as an archer fires an fire arrow tipped with the tooth of a dragon into the pyre. I will be set ablaze and my ashes spread to the four winds.
#16
I request my funeral be held on the steepest hill in town. Before I die, I will secretly outfit the bottom of my casket with little wheels. I will request them to play Benny Hill as the music.

Imagine it. Dozens of concerned relatives/friends chasing my coffin down a freeway, with Benny Hill in the background.

or, the ever-so-classic

Closed casket funeral with Pop! Goes the Weasel playing for the music.
#17
I request to be buried upside down so the world can kiss my ass. And my gravestone shall have silicone implants on it.

EDIT: ^
Last edited by The Silent Fool at Jul 27, 2008,
#19
Quote by Rockford_rocks
I request my funeral be held on the steepest hill in town. Before I die, I will secretly outfit the bottom of my casket with little wheels. I will request them to play Benny Hill as the music.

Imagine it. Dozens of concerned relatives/friends chasing my coffin down a freeway, with Benny Hill in the background.

or, the ever-so-classic

Closed casket funeral with Pop! Goes the Weasel playing for the music.



I really like your ideas!
I've decided that my signature is terrible. I'm open to suggestions.


Click me, or I'll die.


# Un-nominated in UG Top 100,
#21
I want Highway to Hell to play when I'm being lowered into the ground. I know where I'm going.
#23
Quote by mrcrono
Why do you keep saying "Or if"? Are you hording the fountain of youth from us?!



Because only uncool nancy boys die. Cool manly men either don't die or become zombies. Look at Jesus, he was ripped... mad crazy sexy (it was the carpentry).

I'm kind of like Jesus I guess, except God loves me more.
I've decided that my signature is terrible. I'm open to suggestions.


Click me, or I'll die.


# Un-nominated in UG Top 100,
#24
Quote by Bushinarin
Because only uncool nancy boys die. Cool manly men either don't die or become zombies. Look at Jesus, he was ripped... mad crazy sexy (it was the carpentry).

I'm kind of like Jesus I guess, except God loves me more.


I hope this was all leading to "Jesus became a Zombie" because he technically did...
#28
Quote by InvaderTSN
We'll play Yakety Sax DURING Amon Amarth.

Fusion at its best.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
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Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

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Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#30
I'd like a thread made in my honour .

This place got me through moving across the country. As sad as it is, this place means quite a bit to me...

Oh, and cremation, then put my ashes into gunshot shells and fire them into the ocean, one every year.
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Floppydick


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#31
now im being totaly serios right now:
korean Mourners. They are real. You hire them to mourn over you, which includes(but is not limited to): beating themselves and wailing uncontrallably(sp?)
Imagine my humble family, wearing all black, and then 300 koreans come in, take off their shirts, and start beating themselves with hooks on a rope.

*sigh* i wish i was dead.
Gear:
Gibson Les Paul Studio 60's Tribute
SX stratocaster
MIA Fender Stratocaster
Vox AD50 Vox AC15C1 Vox AC30CC2X Laney LH50r
Guitar>Joe Bonamossa Crybaby > AquaPuss> Sparkle Drive> Green Rhino> DejaVibe> Amplifier
CROWN VIC
#32
Quote by Saturated Fat
now im being totaly serios right now:
korean Mourners. They are real. You hire them to mourn over you, which includes(but is not limited to): beating themselves and wailing uncontrallably(sp?)
Imagine my humble family, wearing all black, and then 300 koreans come in, take off their shirts, and start beating themselves with hooks on a rope.

*sigh* i wish i was dead.


Why not stage your death and get a mutilated body from the morgue? Then you can see your family's reaction!
#33
Quote by InvaderTSN
We'll play Yakety Sax DURING Amon Amarth.



Why not have Amon Amarth play Yakety Sax?
I've decided that my signature is terrible. I'm open to suggestions.


Click me, or I'll die.


# Un-nominated in UG Top 100,
#34
well, when im alive, i actually have to pay for it. When im dead, its not my problem. And im a little young at the moment too.
Gear:
Gibson Les Paul Studio 60's Tribute
SX stratocaster
MIA Fender Stratocaster
Vox AD50 Vox AC15C1 Vox AC30CC2X Laney LH50r
Guitar>Joe Bonamossa Crybaby > AquaPuss> Sparkle Drive> Green Rhino> DejaVibe> Amplifier
CROWN VIC
#36
Id like to be creamated
and have my ashes put into paint
and then strip the paint of my explorer
and repaint it wine red with my ashes
thatd be sweet
just say here and here will stand for here i am rock you like a hurricane
you will do as the scorpions have done before you!
#37
Quote by InvaderTSN
Why not have Yakety Sax play Amon Amarth?


Why not have both play each other in some kind of awesome swing/melo death medley?
I've decided that my signature is terrible. I'm open to suggestions.


Click me, or I'll die.


# Un-nominated in UG Top 100,
#38
1. Sew my asshole shut so noone can have buttsex with my corpse.
2. Shoot me in the head if I die of natural causes. I dont wanna wake up.
3. Bury me with a turned off cellphone in case I do wake up.
4. Burry me with plenty wormacide.
5. Dont make it a big deal, put me in my pine box and chuck me into the clay. Dont spend a ****load of money.
6. Give my things to whoever wants them. Immediate family gets first picks. Youngest to oldest. Friends get second picks. Immediate family determines who my friends were. Everyone else gets whatever else is left.
Gear:
Gibson Faded Flying V

Marshall MG100HDFX
Marshall MA50C

Boss DS-1
Digitech RP50
Digitech Whammy IV
Vox V847 Wah Pedal
#39
Quote by lagunasunrise
3. Bury me with a turned off cellphone in case I do wake up.


You do realise, in the event you do wake up after dying and then being shot in the head, there wont be any signal underground..
#40
Quote by Ichikurosaki
You do realise, in the event you do wake up after dying and then being shot in the head, there wont be any signal underground..


+ 2.3
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