#1
Wandering aimlessly
Pacing along the borderline
to find the essence of this mystery
that was left for me here

And i know it was you
and you know i stayed true
yet you still found the time
to try and bring me down again
and it hurts me to be this way
cause of my empathic pain

But i've numbed up some
and its cause of you
from all the bull**** you put me through
so let your guard down
i'll dump you in your tears
then walk away as you drown

Reach for the surface now

You know your paroxsym is what got you here
look up to the light and feel the fear creep around you
So cold and lonely as you drown

Reach for the surface now
Feel death creep around you now

While your slipping under
the bridge you burnt when you burnt me
Ill pull you under now
The cold grips and the life slips
yet the pain won't seem to go away
See i let you up just for a breath
and as i pull you down you see your fate as you drown

Reach for the ****ing surface now

To live alone we must be a beast or a god, says Aristotle, leaving out the third case: One must be both, a philosopher.
-Freidrich Nietzsche

-The Candle Burns At Both EndsX=X
#2
Here it goes haha.

Quote by delano73527
Wandering aimlessly
Pacing along the borderline
to find the essence of this mystery
that was left for me here
^ Obviously I don't know the rhthym, but is seems too short... (try "that was left here for me"?)

And i know it was you
and you know i stayed true
yet you still found the time
to try and bring me down again Seems out of place a bit
and it hurts me to be this way
cause of my empathic pain

But i've numbed up some Nice.
and its cause of you
from all the bull**** you put me through Don't censor. Takes away the emotion.
so let your guard down
i'll dump you in your tears
then walk away as you drown

Reach for the surface now

You know your paroxsym is what got you here
look up to the light and feel the fear creep around you
So cold and lonely as you drown

Reach for the surface now
Feel death creep around you now
Okay well these last 7 lines were great. Slightly changing it at the end turned me from losing interest to regaining it.

While your slipping under
the bridge you burnt when you burnt me Seems rather forced.
Ill pull you under now
The cold grips and the life slips Fav line
yet the pain won't seem to go away
See i let you up just for a breath
and as i pull you down you see your fate as you drown

Reach for the ****ing surface now
Slight alteration of this line (****ing) dratically improved this.




Great song overall. You got your point across and even with my ADHD I was able to pay attention. A few corrections and this could be much better.

C4C?
Last edited by Niki (guitar) at Jul 27, 2008,