#1
The owl watched the moon
sink into the sky.
Hoot.
For a swift moment, it
saw a parabola arc its way
towards the fingerholes
of the tree beside.
Hoot Hoot.
Everything was a space in time. Ripped apart only to rendevous
every then or so.
A cycle.
Hoot.
Every ten seconds a coiling vine
would find its way
towards the endlessness of sky.
Falling, falling, to the ground.
Hoot.
Smiling, needing affection.
Hoot Hoot.
"Who is your hairdo manager?"
"Me, oh," the owl replied, "I..I did it myself. With wing clippings,
you see. (that wording you used, by the way, is totally cute.)"
"Well you smile like a moron. Good day to you sir."
Hoot Hoot.

Ooo Ooo. Lesley sunk into the branch.
"It was nice," she said, "seeing pictures you've never seen before."
"Hand on hand? Point."
"Yes, I understand."
"I don't have a clue."
"Of what?"
"I don't know that either."
"Well whatever."
Hoot Hoot.
Ooo Ooo.

For a space to put a smile, before or after,
Can only be filled with joy, to make it work out altogether.
Hoot Hoot.
Hot joy, cornered in a jar
is filling a willing space.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#2
"Who is your hairdo manager?"
"Me, oh," the owl replied, "I..I did it myself. With wing clippings,
you see. (that wording you used, by the way, is totally cute.)"
"Well you smile like a moron. Good day to you sir."
Hoot Hoot.


Very nice.

The opening seems long and tedious. But THAT bit, all the way to the end, is well worded and flows smoothly. Well done.
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#3
Quote by Laces Out Danny
T
"Yes, I understand."
"I don't have a clue."
"Of what?"
"I don't know that either."
"Well whatever."



those lines were the only bits i didn't like.

everything else, amazing. i loved that, it felt really nice to read, and i think i could see it being an awesome song


that was pretty astounding. as long as you don't actually say "hoot"
Fun Animal Facts #23: The pit can skeletonise a cow in under three minutes
#5
Wow, I'm surprised, I actually thought it rambled on and on.

thank you for the crits. I really appreciate it. Anything I could impove on?
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#6
Quote by Laces Out Danny
The owl watched the moon
sink into the sky.
Hoot.
For a swift moment, it
saw a parabola arc its way
towards the fingerholes
of the tree beside.
Hoot Hoot.
Everything was a space in time. Ripped apart only to rendevous
every then or so.
A cycle.
Hoot.
Up to this point, it's felt like a person thinking to himself. It sets the scene, I think.
Every ten seconds a coiling vine
would find its way
towards the endlessness of sky.
Falling, falling, to the ground.
Hoot.
Smiling, needing affection.
Hoot Hoot.
Meh, doesn't do much for me.
"Who is your hairdo manager?"
"Me, oh," the owl replied, "I..I did it myself. With wing clippings,
you see. (that wording you used, by the way, is totally cute.)"
"Well you smile like a moron. Good day to you sir."
Hoot Hoot.
What's with the parenthesis? Overall, this felt like it was wondering in circles. It doesn't make me feel anything, nor add to a plot that I can see.

Ooo Ooo. Lesley sunk into the branch.
"It was nice," she said, "seeing pictures you've never seen before."
"Hand on hand? Point."
"Yes, I understand."
"I don't have a clue."
"Of what?"
"I don't know that either."
"Well whatever."
Hoot Hoot.
Ooo Ooo.
Again, this felt like it was wondering in circles. I couldn't tell who was talking or what they were talking about.

For a space to put a smile, before or after,
Can only be filled with joy, to make it work out altogether.
Hoot Hoot.
Hot joy, cornered in a jar
is filling a willing space.
Flowed well, though I still don't understand the story.



It painted a picture of being alone at night. Sorry if I'm not much help, I'm tired.