#1
Here's My first attempt at writing a ballad like song I also Did "I feel so Empty" So check that out Here goes. Also the last line of every verse is screamed


{Verse 1}
When I saw you
You seemed So Unreal
Before I saw you
I thought I couldn't feel

{Chorus}
Your Cardboard Steel
Makes me feel just what I will
Your Cardboard Steel
Let's me see what is real
Your cardboard steel
Is just as flimsy As I feel

{Verse 2}
I think I'm falling for you
Or is it just your eyes
Now I know I'm Falling for you
Or is it just love in disguise

{Chorus}
My Cardboard Steel
Makes me feel just what I will
My Cardboard Steel
Let's me see what is real
My cardboard steel
Is just as flimsy As I feel

{Verse 3}
I want to get so close to you
But I see you with someone else
I hope what I feel is true
Or make me someone else

{Chorus}
Your Cardboard Steel
Makes me feel just what I will
Your Cardboard Steel
Let's me see what is real
Your cardboard steel
Is just as flimsy As I feel
#2
Quote by LAT666
Here's My first attempt at writing a ballad like song I also Did "I feel so Empty" So check that out Here goes. Also the last line of every verse is screamed


{Verse 1}
When I saw you
You seemed So Unreal
Before I saw you
I thought I couldn't feel
Flows well, there is nothing wrong with it, but nothing particularly gripping either.

{Chorus}
Your Cardboard Steel
Makes me feel just what I will
At first I thought you meant "you're", but I get it now.
Your Cardboard Steel
Let's me see what is real
Your cardboard steel
Is just as flimsy As I feel
This last line is golden.

{Verse 2}
I think I'm falling for you
Or is it just your eyes
This is really cool too.
Now I know I'm Falling for you
Or is it just love in disguise
'Just love in disguise' doesn't make sense to me. Isn't that what falling for someone IS? either way, flow is still good.

{Chorus}
My Cardboard Steel
Makes me feel just what I will
My Cardboard Steel
Let's me see what is real
My cardboard steel
Is just as flimsy As I feel

{Verse 3}
I want to get so close to you
But I see you with someone else
I hope what I feel is true
Or make me someone else
Please, for the love of God, change the use of 'someone else' in both of these lines. To me, at least, this is unbearable. Anything else would be better here for me.

{Chorus}
Your Cardboard Steel
Makes me feel just what I will
Your Cardboard Steel
Let's me see what is real
Your cardboard steel
Is just as flimsy As I feel


Besides one or two things, I really liked this. Wonderful flow, or so it seemed to me.
#3
Updated


{Verse 3}
I want to get so close to you
But I see you with someone else
I hope what I feel is true
Or let me escape from this hell