#1
I wrote this song when I was 13, so that would be three years ago. I never had the guts to post it. Well, here it goes:


Get a knife, make a slit, commit suicide
I'm not the angel above, but it will be alright
I know you don't know that now,
but when you die you'll realize you were wrong

And I hope your blood rings out, into the emptiness
of your thoughts and your regrets
Now you're gone and it just gets me sad.

And the fact that you are lost makes me feel the same,
I speak one word and I hear your name
You said we'd be together forever and you promised me that we would never
Go, our separate ways, but I guess since I hear your name
You'll never go and I should be okay
Too bad it reminds me off that day

That day..

I wish that you were here with me
Then we could fight through the harsh sea,
but now, all I have, is the ghost of you that's inside of me
But now I guess I'll never know the truth.
Who did the slit, was it me or you?
So much for happy days, you make me think in ever possible way.

All the misspent days that we have made,
Made me realize it's what made me this way.
But you just couldn't fight it, I thought you were strong.
Now in the end, I am wrong.
#2
is this a poem or song lyrics? it looks more like poem...its alright for a 13 year old, a little too straightforward though. you have guts posting this, just be prepared for losers to bash on you because its emotional material. god forbid humans are allowed to show emotion...
#3
It's a song.. and the whole thing is a metaphor. It's not about suicide, but it was the closest thing I could relate it to. But thanks.
#4
Go through it again and change somethings if you havent already update it if you will, you (probably) have a wider vocabulary and new experiences.

There's a lot of lame duck rhymes in here, and some boring words like "sad."
With word changes this would be pretty good. Pretty good for 13. I think the suicide theme may be a little played out however.

Crit "Hidden, We'll Remain" in my sig. please and thankyou.