#1
Alright if any of you have seen my previous posts this songs lyrics are exactly the opposite of the other styles. I like to vary in the styles to keep my writing ability up. Anyways this is an acoustic song and its sad obviously tell me what you think. I might record this and put it up...

_______________________________________________________________________________

Why must I take in,
Every time I breathe,
All these thoughts I have
Had of you?
Haunting me, memories,
You mean everything to me,
All I want to know,
Please dont go...

Everything i thought i would be
Crumbled right in front of me
All I ask for,
All I wish for,
Is for you.
You are my everything,
Please don't take that from me,
All i try for-
All i mourn for,
Is for you...

And now every step I take,
I faulter with the dying wake,
I suffer for the good ive done,
I hope you smile...
I hate myself and love you for it-
Every second i adore it,
The fading wisps of love,
In my dying thoughts...

Everything i thought i would be,
Crumbled right in front of me,
All I ask for,
All I wish for,
Is for you.
You are my everything,
Please don't take that from me,
All I try for-
All I mourn for,
Is for you...

Oh no...

Oh god, what have I done?
I remember none...
None...

Everything i thought i would be,
Crumbled right in front of me,
All I ask for,
All I wish for,
Is for you.
You are my everything,
Please don't take that from me,
All I try for-
All I mourn for,
Is for you...


I love you...
FOOTBALL IS THE SHIT
Last edited by ricottaj at Jul 27, 2008,
#2
Capitalize and punctuate as well as put lines together that go together. It makes it much easier to read and find flaws/beauty in if it actually looks good.
#4
I really like it actually.

except this part

Oh no...

Oh god, what have I done?
I remember none...
None...


other than that, its quite good in my opinion.
Last edited by TormentedRx at Jul 28, 2008,