#1
Alright, ive been trying to songwrite for a while now and ive been to scared to share any of my lyrics because i feel that they suck. well ive relized that the only way im going to get better is to have other people read my lyrics and give me pointers so here are some of my lyrics. Please tell me what you like dont like and how you think i could improve. thanks

i,i breathe in your air
close my eyes
fix my mind pretend to care.
you, you look at me
close your eyes
fix your mind try not to stare

step step through the door
try to sigh
see your mother like you never have before
close close the window
shut the blind
seal it off do not let in any light

(Chorus)
Why do we cry?
there is no reason why
the world turns our lives revolve cant resolve
the end runs into the start
you sit there so smart
you dont fool anyone
********
cry cry out your pain
see him there
see his eyes but you know he isnt there
he he used to run
he ran, he ran
ran into the sun
(chorus)
*********
climb climb into the night
the arrow flies
see it rise like the setting sun
breathe breathe in your air
hold it in
let it saturate your lungs
stop stop where you are
look behind
at where youve seen before
(chorus)
(Bridge)
stop climb realize cry step
place your bets
he close we chose
you and i you and i
never again i wont be spent again
never to soon
i was born to lose
*********
blink blink your eyes
focus on
the changing rods and cones
you are not your own
sleep sleep sound
rest in the night
fold your hands
dust to dust ashes to ash

dont make a sound
theres no one around
let it out
say aloud

again please comment and critic , also i still have no title for this song so im taking title segestions to thanks ill have more up soon hopfully they will get better.
If i say im lying am i telling the truth?
Shawn Lane Rest In Peace!
Rip Dimbag
and sadly Rip Roger "Syd" Barrett gone but not forgotten
and more so recently Brad Delp
Quote by last_biscuit
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
#2
*reported*


please read the rules in the announcement at the top of this forum.
once you have read them and this thread is closed, you can repost with a proper title, in the main forum.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
Last edited by SomeoneYouKnew at Jul 27, 2008,