#1
I wrote this for my boyfriend and it took me the longest time to write this thing too. Usually it takes me less than hour to finish a song. This took me three months!

Verse 1
Something inside of me
Is making me believe
In this moment
Time has come and gone
The passion is still strong
In this moment
I can’t believe it’s real
The way you make me feel
In this moment
It’s a miracle to me
How you make me happy
In this moment

Pre Chorus
I feel free
Yeah, I feel free

Chorus
Standing here with you makes me feel so alive
I’m lost in translation when I gaze into your eyes
I find it hard to find the right way to say
There’s nobody else like you who makes my day

Verse 2
I remember when you wrote
The sweetest note
In this moment
It captivated me
Your words made me see
In this moment
Sometimes I wonder why
I feel I’m on cloud nine
In this moment
But then you hold my hand
And now I understand
In this moment
#2
Haha not going to lie, but it's cliche. But seeing as how it is for your boyfriend, that's not really a problem for the most part If you guys are as gaa-gaa over each other as this song implies, then you could probably sing twinkle twinkle little star and he would go crazy. But this flows decent, then again it depends on the rhythm played with it. You kept with the same pattern the whole time, good job. I'm guessing the lines have refrences to things that actually happened with you guys, not just stuff there for poops and giggles. If that is not the case, try putting something a little more personal so it doesn't seem so generic. Overall, just a cute little sappy luv song
#3
Quote by Chevellefan77
I wrote this for my boyfriend and it took me the longest time to write this thing too. Usually it takes me less than hour to finish a song. This took me three months!

Verse 1
Something inside of me
Is making me believe
In this moment
Time has come and gone
The passion is still strong
"Still" causes a break in the flow. Minor as it is, it still irked me.
In this moment
I can’t believe it’s real
The way you make me feel
Somewhat of a forced rhyme.
In this moment
It’s a miracle to me
How you make me happy
A very forced rhyme.
In this moment

Pre Chorus
I feel free
Yeah, I feel free

Chorus
Standing here with you makes me feel so alive
I’m lost in translation when I gaze into your eyes
I find it hard to find the right way to say
There’s nobody else like you who makes my day

Verse 2
I remember when you wrote
The sweetest note
Short line, but can be tweaked.
In this moment
It captivated me
Your words made me see
In this moment
Sometimes I wonder why
I feel I’m on cloud nine
Another break in the rhythm. Not major, but still there.
In this moment
But then you hold my hand
And now I understand
In this moment


Two things:
1) This was very cliche. Yeah, you love him, but is your love as deep as the vast oceans? Does your heart sing like the chirping of birds in the morning? Give us a breathtaking image, as breathtaking as your love for him.

2) "In this moment" really didn't fit. It was cliche, and it didn't contribute.

Overall, try some new things, and you'll get to see why love is the most endearing musical subject of all time.
#4
This is a nice song, but like others have said it is a tad cliche. Work on some imagery, interesting vocabulary, and maybe the odd simile, and before you know it you will have turned this into a really beautiful song.

Don't get me wrong, what you have got so far is good, but it just needs to built upon and refined. And like Niki said, your boyfriend is going to appreciate the song no matter what, so don't stress over it too much.

When I read this line,

I can’t believe it’s real
The way you make me feel
In this moment

I couldn't get Michael Jackson out of my head for the rest of the song... that kinda ruined it
LollipopSkeletonsLollipopSkeletons
LollipopSkeletonsLollipopSkeletons