#1
Fine on the ride there

I get some papers to sort
kind of have a burp and weird taste in mouth;
force self to use the bathroom

I fill my mug with water
to keep my mouth from getting drier
journey to the file room will prove to be my worst

I find the standing to be the kill
can't really take it for an hour when well
another burp comes and I feel as if I'm going to hell

Run to the bathroom
Hurry
Should I get some water
No just go straight there
Get to a stall and let it out
Good thing nobody was in there

I feel better
get some more water
do this same thing again
and same outcome happens

My mouth is sour and dry, my throat hurts, and my stomache

is cramping
I must go home

Fine on the ride back
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....
#2
It was pretty funny, and I hope that that's what you were aiming for. The third triplet was probably my least favorite, because it didn't have the flow that the others did.

Sorry for the poor crit, but that's all I got.
#3
Haha not sure what to make of this to be honest... I get what you're saying, and it's not a bad concept in the least bit. The way you presented it, however, did not go over so well. It seems like a mosh pit of ideas not quite put together in an orderly fashion. With a little work you could definitely make this better. I liked the third stanza a lot. Everything else seemed a little too straighforward. Try using some metaphors or personifcations or anything to give it a little mystery. I hope that helps.

Overall: Not bad, just not quite all there :P

C4C?
#4
Not really supposed to be funny, but I understand where that is coming from

And to answer the other, I'm currently writing directly out of my real world experiences
This was originally going to be a five page epic, but it would have been even more around the place
(stuff about bums, animals, people (from the bus ride home, which actually wasn't too good because it only took me half way, but shh, the actual ride was fine.)

I'll read some of your guys' things in a bit.
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....