#1
There they were, lined up in beautiful rows along the walls of the room -
Bluegrass instruments.
A guilty pleasure.
A sick obsession.
Mandolins, dobros, steel guitars, banjos, fiddles, flat-top guitars, harmonicas.
All for the taking.
All for the playing.
I Foggy Mountain Brokedowned the banjo.
I strum strum strummed the mandolin.
I made the violin wood cry.
I fuckeded the slide guitar into submission.
I beat and banged and clanged and clanked and hit and stomped and hemmed and hawwed.
I bought everyone of them.
I dropped 12,000 dollars of inheritance money on the counter and packed them all
into my car.
As I was loading, Ned Spiegle walked by.
"Hey there, Randy. What you up to?"
"I bought 12,000 dollars worth of instruments, Ned."
"Wow, that's a bit of cash. What's the occasion?"
I shoved the mandolin under the spare tire and sat on the back bumper.
"No occasion, Ned. I'm just truly free now that my entire family is dead."
Poor advice.
#2
To be perfectly honest, this was the worst I've read from you. I'm sure I'll be alone in saying this; but the whole thing just stank of block. All of your "I blanked the instrument" phrases sounded like you were just being over the top for the sake of being over the top. The fuckeded was a gimmick, and one that didn't really fit.

Sorry Randy, normally I find at least something small I like in every piece of yours, and even if I didn't like the piece as a whole, I appreciate that part... but here, I really can't find much of anything.

-Zach
#3
I'll admit it - This piece is shit. I have no inspiration at all these days. I've been in a block and there is just nothing worth writing about anymore.
Poor advice.
#4
i think that the ending made the whole thing worth reading. it was comical but yet touched directly on a taboo desire, which is that your family dies in a crash or something, or parents, and that all the goading and fighting and arguments and other 'bad stuff' is forever gone, plus a crazy huge check from their life insurance,/ inheritance, etc. And it's like the whole piece was setting up being truly free, as well. And i think that it did that . It wasn't tedious or anything at all to read through, and yeah, reading the block of it wasn't like mind blowing, but it was a very easy quick and pleasurable read to get to the payoff at the end. and it's a crazy payoff. nice
#5
you'd be better off writing prose. i think your style is interesting, usually it sort of feels like post-modern commentary and it works really well at what it is trying to achieve. that is the part i dislike about your writing. the more bare side where you tend to be very to the point is usually where your pieces are strong in my opinion. but, i'm just not a fan of processed emotions. the things you usually write have a sophistication to them that turns me off and your age makes them come off childish, just as much of the poetry here does and i'm including myself in that. there is a feeling of self definition that doesn't come off in the experience and ideas that we are all dealing with. still, i think if you were able to aptly blend this type of writing with the more rigid technicality of some of your other pieces your work would come off better for it. at least, in my opinion it would come off more legitimate. whenever i read your work it usually comes off sounding a little too serious. its weird because the reason it comes off too serious is because of how childish some of the things you say are, but its not like it works negatively. i guess its just the difference between something someone like Palahniuk would write in comparison to something Burroughs would write. there is a vast difference in the actual ideas, but the methods are both the same. Burroughs just is a lot more creative about how he presents himself and i think if there was just a little bit more of that in your writing instead of you coming off like somewhat of the stereotype you present yourself as than you'd have some really truly revolutionary stuff. this isn't necessarily a negative critique if it does come off as that. i always find it interesting to read your stuff, just i always feel like you could do better. i guess that is probably a good thing since at our ages we shouldn't be even considering the possibility that we are doing our most intelligent and best work. in all honest, i'm always reading your pieces in hopes that you finally get to that plateau you seem to be constantly striving for. its going to be really special when it happens.