#1
Don't turn off the lights
I'll hear the wild night's
Shrill voices calling me
Trying to bring me into

Quiet pathways in dark haze
I follow blindly, I-
Am a fool-
Raving mad lunatic in his youth

If I took a shroud to hide and decieve
I would walk boldy into darkness with ease

Stalking the gloom shadows of passers
Silently touching the forbidden skin
Trail away from the group and you'll be
Prey to the tricks and games of the fiend

Don't turn off the lights
Unless you want to hear there voices calling me
Begging me to stop
Screaming... "Please!"
#2
really like the word choice. seems to flow good. i can definitely picture this being a good song when performed. nice job!
#3
Quote by MilichichiBass
Don't turn off the lights
I'll hear the wild night's
This flow seemed to counter the flow of the previous lines. Also, the sentence in the second line seemed incomplete.
Shrill voices calling me
Trying to bring me into
This felt like it should have rhymed, and it felt like an abrupt ending. Into what?

Quiet pathways in dark haze
I follow blindly, I-
Am a fool-
Raving mad lunatic in his youth
I did like this part, which seemed natural to me. I'd slap an "A" at the beginning of the last line, but it's not neccessary. The first line is the only lackluster thing here.

If I took a shroud to hide and decieve
I would walk boldy into darkness with ease
Solid rhythm and rhyme. Word choice is okay.

Stalking the gloom shadows of passers
I'd say gloomy, because it's grammatically correct, and it helps the rhythm.
Silently touching the forbidden skin
Trail away from the group and you'll be
Prey to the tricks and games of the fiend
All and all, this was okay for me. "Fiend" did not rhyme, however, and I kind of felt disconnected from the meaning here. That's probably just me, though.

Don't turn off the lights
Unless you want to hear there voices calling me
Begging me to stop
Screaming... "Please!"
I don't know about the last line. And line #2 being double length, that might be tough to work.


Decent flow, not a bad song. Crit mine in my sig?