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#1
Inspired by the amazing "The weird kid in class" thread, stories about weird substitutes and/or teachers.

In grade 7 we had a really fruity French teacher that always wore really short pink or purple shorts. He gave us bonus marks when we commented on his earring in French and one time when I asked him about a grade he started rubbing my back with one of his hands.

Also my Science teacher I had this year had a weird change from last year. In grade 9 he let us talk, listen to music and eat in his class. This year he was the opposite. One day a kid was eating chips and when the teacher saw them the kid stuffed them in his binder and then the teacher walked over and pressed down on his binder breaking all the chips.

Also when we talked the science teacher would just stop writing on the overhead and just stare at whoever was talking, without blinking for around a minute straight, then he'd go back to writing unless someone started talking again. Then when he did that one time, just as he was going back to writing one of the kids said, "go on..." and he stopped and started staring at him again. The kid did this a lot.

Also whenever someone was away I'd say "he/she's selling acid in the bathroom" and I think he believed me one time.


So bring on the stories.
#2
one substitute threatened to remove my arms once. i was flicking my ruler, and he walks past, and the ruler almost hits him on the rear. im like, oh ****, and pull the ruler back. he turns round and says "if that had hit me, you would have no arms". the whole class went silent, and i went on sheepishly with my work

EDIT: we also had a science teacher who was like 40 and still a virgin, and devout christian. i asked him once if he masturbates and he went onto a speech about desiring a woman sexually. he also had a dream about a pupil and wrote it in a letter to the class.

we had a pervert of a music teacher who would always give the girls the answers in quizzes.
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Last edited by thedudemeister at Jul 29, 2008,
#3
We had some Indian sub that was infamous because nobody understood what she way saying. It was the most broken english ever.

edit: also had a sub whose last name was Osborne, and he was related to ozzy but he the hated the guy.
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#4
I had one teacher in my geometry class back in the day, who was really old but unionized and the school couldn't fire him. I once walked up to him to ask him about a question, but when I did, he just turned away and made a typing motion with his hands and made a clicking sound. I don't know what was wrong with him.
#5
there's one we had that had a dent in his head from getting hit by the scoop from a backhoe tractor.

there's this other guy who yelled at everyone and said to put away our "hardware"(ipods) all of the time, and got fired for reaching down a girl's shirt when she put her cellphone in her bra so he wouldn't take it away.
my gear:
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b-52 AT 212 100 watt amp
old gear i'll probably sell eventually:
yamaha beginners guitar
gunmetal grey Fender squire strat
Fender 65R amp
#6
one time my science teacher got an erection during class...

didnt do a good job of covering it up either.....
#7
One day we had a sub for a class. And he got talking about women and how the role of the female gender was changing. He mentioned that he was on a flight and noticed that his pilot was a woman, out of the ordinary from the stereotypical male pilot. The teacher then went on to say "You know, it was okay, I think women are great, everyone should own at least one."

I thought he was a pretty funny guy!
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#8
not so much a teacher
but one of our priests at my school/church was a child molester


...



no wonder he always came out to play during recess when we were younger
#9
haha ive got one of the best ones. At lunch this one AP was always mad at us because a few of us would have bagels and there were a few crumbs left on the table after. So one day we come to our table and its completely covered in chocolate milk, we asked the AP about it and he said he did it to teach us a lesson and that he wasnt going to clean up after us. So we sat down and started laughing, putting our food in the small patches of dry spots on the table and when he wasnt looking spilling a bit more milk on the table. We didnt clean any of it up and after that lunch period he had to clean it up himself, lol. Who learned the lesson now?
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#10
I got a substitute fired my 8th grade year.
She fell asleep in my yearbook class, we all took pictures of her, then showed the assistant principal.
#11
One time I had a substitute who was a totally stereotypical lesbian. Big and burly, plaid shirt, boots, short haircut, suspenders...

She was ridiculous.
#12
In 7th grade we had an escaped convict(sooi found out like 2 days later) as a sub
He had a real heavy southern accent and every time we got "rowdy" as he called it
he throw a stapler or paperweight across the classroom
#13
Quote by katenotreally
not so much a teacher
but one of our priests at my school/church was a child molester


...



no wonder he always came out to play during recess when we were younger




Well, one of our substitutes is native to Mexico, so his English is barely understandable, which sucks because he is always undermine and made fun of by the students. I feel really bad for the guy because he's really intelligent and could get a much, much better job, but gets constantly made fun of by stupid shitheads.
#14
This french teacher (I didn't have him, thank God) was.. uber gay. He actually did a girl's hair in class, with a pencil. At least I heard that's what he did. He also had the gayest gay lisp you'd ever hear .
#16
Quote by Myou249
I got a substitute fired my 8th grade year.
She fell asleep in my yearbook class, we all took pictures of her, then showed the assistant principal.

oh em gee i totally still have a picture of this midget substitute we have, sleeping in my class last year. But it's probably too long ago to fire her now. I just had it to show friends haha. She also knits and is allergic to strong scents(my teacher had one of these febreez things in her class, and she was standing near it when it 'puffed' and she had an athsma attack type thing it was funny as hell)
my gear:
Jackson DKMG(the one with EMG 81/85's)
b-52 AT 212 100 watt amp
old gear i'll probably sell eventually:
yamaha beginners guitar
gunmetal grey Fender squire strat
Fender 65R amp
#17
lets see... ive had a 90 year old who constantly talked about drag racing, the guy who im sure was a pedo, an old italian guy who im sure was ignorant to everything around him, and a guy who was super bipolar
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#18
Oh have I got some...

2 years ago in my "Study of Georgia" class I had this sub. Short, old, Russian guy. He would yell, and I mean YELL at you if you coughed or shifted in your seat. Then he told us to go to lunch. At that school the principal was a freak and required the teachers to go down the cafeteria and get their class. The guy never came so we all walked back and he had all the lights off and was sitting at the desk staring at us. Someone turned the lights on and he started screaming at us like crazy saying were irresponsible. The teacher across the hall came in and had to calm him down. I could go on but its all "you had to be there" moments.

Then this year we had some really fat black women from the Bronx, NY. And would compare everything in the school by saying "ya know, back when I lived in the Bronx where I taught for 11 years *says we have what they dont*" and would do that at least a dozen times every class.

Finally, the best sub I ever had. Mr. Dicky. Yes, Mr...Dicky. He was fluent in like 5 languages. Played guitar behind his head and sang in Portuguese and try to motivate us to study harder. He would talk about the BRICK countries (Brazil, Russia, India, China, Korea) and how they want our jobs in America and we have to out score them on the SAT's so we get the jobs. He knew me by name, it was great.
#20
Quote by Globocop
one time my science teacher got an erection during class...

didnt do a good job of covering it up either.....


hey that happened in our class too! weird...
#21
coolest damn substitute ever works in my district
hes from like austria or something, hes got great english though
he's lived in like 15 different countries and speaks around 8 languages
he always tells kids not to smoke too much pot when they go to the bathroom
i remember once when i was wearing a CCCP sweatshirt(initials for the USSR) he told me what the CCCP stood for and wrote it out for me, i wish i kept that
its crazy, his wife was like a jew in germany during hitler and ****, its crazy to hear the stories he tells
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#22
I used to have a substitute teacher, an old Indian gentleman, who always wore a hat. After about 10 minutes of class he would invariably fall asleep - then the competitions would begin to get the hat off his head without waking him. You usually could. I had a science teacher who always can to class in some stage of drunkenness. My school also had a geography teacher who was huge (height and width), bald, with a large beard, tattoos (including, apparently, a dragon holding a swastika) and was openly homosexual. He always yelled and sweated profusely during his classes - the front row using getting drenched.
#23
i have one.
in 7th grade I had a convicted sex offender as a sub. he was out of jail and ironically his last name was freeman. lol.
he had a lazy eye and would look one way and point another when correcting a student. he yelled all of the time and was really dumb. we spent the whole 90 minutes on the 5 minute warm up. It was funny as hell and got fired later that day for trying to grab a 8th grade girl.
lol that was a fun day.
EDIT: he was also very drunk and we got him to lick tissues and asked him questions to piss him off like i bet that tissue tastes better than ur gf.lol
Last edited by coryklok at Jul 29, 2008,
#24
oh yeah our music teacher touches girls and watches porn in class haha, he's in the process of getting fired though.
my gear:
Jackson DKMG(the one with EMG 81/85's)
b-52 AT 212 100 watt amp
old gear i'll probably sell eventually:
yamaha beginners guitar
gunmetal grey Fender squire strat
Fender 65R amp
#25
We had a huge bartender woman as a sub. We had her first in 8th grade, then in 10th, and again in 11th. She has some crazy Italian sounding name....or something. I dunno.
#26
I was pulling a big F-U on our sub who used the faculty restroom, by smearing a healthy coat of Vaseline on the toilet seats, dropping blood capsules down the toilets and urinals, and stopping the flow of water to the sink. I also stole all the toilet paper, just to be a d*ck. i told our substitute to use that one after i spiked his cup with crushed laxative powder.

you may think this is ludicrous to do, but the guy would call us all worthless and vile, and stupid, he even made my ex-girl cry. He laughed when she started sobbing and sent her into the hall. I called him a coward and a pu$sy because he had to pick on the small kids, and possibly a pedophile because he was eyeing her on the way out. He bucked up to me and started calling me stupid stuff, like a wannabe jock who could never make the team, because i was wearing a school football T-shirt. But he didnt know, im not so into sports. I play em for fun, but my real passion is keeping the score.... I stood, and wasn't so surprised to find i was taller than the guy. He sent me into the hall as well.

You should have seen the look on his face when he came back in!!

now, here's the F*d up part. He was yelling his a$s off at us , and the principle knocked on the door. IMMEDIATELY he put on this "I'm new, I don't really know how to teach this class" attitude and was all smiles for the principle.

He got fired straight away because it turned out, the girl in the hall told the principle about it and he'd been standing there when he started ranting.
#27
we have a sub at our school who is a vietnam vet. hes a cool guy (he listens to jethro tull, pink floyd and even some new rock) but hes a little on the crazy side. he talks like hes out of breath constantly and is always talking about vietnam. its funny because me and my friends can be talking pretty loud and having a conversation with him and if people he doesnt like are talking too loud he will say "HEY, PUT A LID ON IT!"
oh yeah, i forgot to mention that my principal stubmles around like an old drunk all the time. his eyes are real puffy and you cant understand a word he says so when we do impressions we usually just mumble a bunch of stuff and say jack daniels every now and then. whats strange is, hes also the drivers ed. teacher. how ironic.
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#29
Quote by Kiwi Ace
My school also had a geography teacher who was huge (height and width), bald, with a large beard, tattoos (including, apparently, a dragon holding a swastika) and was openly homosexual. He always yelled and sweated profusely during his classes - the front row using getting drenched.

Fun fact for the day, kiddies: That kind of homosexual can be referred to as a bear.
#30
Oh we have a teacher at my school that is OBSESSED with squirrels. She apparently has pet squirrels she rescued or something. So these kids put a dead squirrel in a bag and put it in her desk. Then they opened her computers in the room and covered the vent for the fan and they all overheated. Very immature, douchebag thing to do to her but shes really weird.
#31
In my advanced chemistry class which is right after lunch we had a sub that was like in her early fifties and it was dead silent and then you hear someone fart and we all look at my best friend cause hes usually the one that does it and he yells it wasnt me you assholes and he turns around and looks at the sub and she got all red and said must have been the cafeteria food oh man we were laughing for so long
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#32
coolest teacher ever. listens to tiesto and stuff, and is constantly on facebook in lessons. puts his music through the speakers (how awesome is it to have tiestos ISoS 4 blasting on the speakers while writing an essay on robert mugabe?) every lesson almost always ends up in one of us students threatening to tag his childhood pictures on facebook (he has a couple on his desk) and him sending us out for his soda and crisps. while WE'RE not allowed to eat.

as for weird teachers, apprently we had a technician who was caught rogerring a year 13 chick in the bathrooms at our school's swimming gala.
#33
dude, i had this one teacher named mr.searchbar he did this one thing where he *reported* this crappy thread because it was full of fail and it had already been done


https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=920626&highlight=weird+teacher
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#35
Quote by Fuzzbox91
dude, i had this one teacher named mr.searchbar he did this one thing where he *reported* this crappy thread because it was full of fail and it had already been done


https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=920626&highlight=weird+teacher


You realize if everything was closed because it had already been done, there would hardly be any topics at all.

Don't report things because they've already been done, unless they've been done very recently.

Z-Edit: Alright, saw date, that's acceptable.
#37
I once had this black sub named Mr. Houston. He used to always make shrewd comments about Halle Berry and he intimadated the hell out of us. Looking back, he was funny, but at the time, damn, I was scared.
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So what is this "pear", iv heard so much about? people on here keep talking about it and i have no idea what theyre saying,help me with this please!!
#38
me and my guitarist, were sent to detention one day. we never go usally, but they said if we did, they woulndt call our parents. so we went, when we got there, the teacher was sucking on his big toe. I dont know why, but he was, and moaning at the same time. lol.
#39
Quote by DorkusMalorkus
Fun fact for the day, kiddies: That kind of homosexual can be referred to as a bear.


That's the kind you like, right?
#40
Quote by AmonMortem
That's the kind you like, right?

I like hairy guys, but not fat bears. Some people call hairy guys bears, but others use it for only the fat ones. So yes and no, depending on your definition of bear.

But I'm not a chubby chaser. Some meat on the guy never hurt though.
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