#1


she's a creature comfort away from home
comfortable nerves
silver threads in her body
all made of dreams
she's far from being the first.
it's when you write about sex
but can't stop thinking
of family.
it's when her mother shouts
from the bottom of the stairs -
she's in the shower but
i'm making it diy under clean sheets,
can't stop thinking of the nerves
in my hand
can't stop thinking of the branches
on my family tree.
i used to worry about my fingers -
couldn't hold scissors 'cos i'd
look for fabirc to cut,
then i worried about women
but that stopped when i
severed my gunslinger arms
in a makeshift guillotine.
never pulled another trigger there
but now i worry about the rest
of everything.





love is a dog from hell.



#2
I like it.
its different but still you.
you know what i mean.

you always get me thinking.
usually about drinking,
but sometimes deeper things.
and im fine either way.
#3
comfortable nerves

i enjoyed the seeming contradiction, and the brevity.
it set the tone for the rest of the piece.
Meadows
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#4
Quote by bluesybilly
I like it.
its different but still you.
you know what i mean.

you always get me thinking.
usually about drinking,
but sometimes deeper things.
and im fine either way.



yes it was different. what did it make you think about?




love is a dog from hell.



#5
i don't think it was different.
and i never come to any of your work expecting "you," either.
if that was the case, i'd probably read alot less.
that being said, i'm sure you're capable of making an educated guess concerning my thoughts on this.
too, i'm with SYK on the title.
so; as always, but never mirrored - good job, buddy.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#6
mm werd. pretty cool. trippy. not sure what to make of it. not my style but def. something i wouldnt regret reading. dont nee dto c 4c. rofl this was hardly a crit lol. just putting in my 2 cents.
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")
#7
the ending could of been better (only by your standards), but that's just because i'm used to typical chris endings that literally send a shiver down my spine. the scissors metaphor was ****ing glorious. no writer has or ever will move me as much as you can. from bukowski to ginsberg to cummings to blake, you're the only man that can literally give me goosebumps.

hurry the **** up and get published because you are wasting everyones time here.

and when you do, i'll quote some freeman.
Last edited by skagitup at Aug 5, 2008,