#1
Haven't logged on in a while ( not that anyone rememebrs me, lol,) And I have a song I'm writing OTS. Yah.

Keep moving forward,
Every bit of every day.
When the heart really matters,
You listen, hear it say... ( say)

All you have is hope, dreams and tiny little schemes.
Without that one little heartbeat, you seem to lose the means
Feel the jump, the burst and the swell.
You get over little fears. And you feel each happy little tear.
It all ends so well.


Thats it.... I can't do anythign else, Smell the crap and yell bout the stink. sorry. lol
( I'd appreciate some help too...and mybe some lysol, lol)
#2
Quote by prydxkilxglory
Haven't logged on in a while ( not that anyone rememebrs me, lol,) And I have a song I'm writing OTS. Yah.

Keep moving forward,
Every bit of every day.
When the heart really matters,
You listen, hear it say... ( say)

All you have is hope, dreams and tiny little schemes.
Without that one little heartbeat, you seem to lose the means
Feel the jump, the burst and the swell.
You get over little fears. And you feel each happy little tear.
It all ends so well.


Thats it.... I can't do anythign else, Smell the crap and yell bout the stink. sorry. lol
( I'd appreciate some help too...and mybe some lysol, lol)

Its good an overall good feeling to it.
Though i don't like the first two lines of the chorus.
"All you have is hope, dreams and tiny little schemes.
Without that one little heartbeat, you seem to lose the means"

The rhyming there seems to forced and just doesn't seem to have the flow. Sounds a bit cheesy too. The way you have rhymed dreams, schemes and means.
Maybe you could substitute those words for something else and make it sound less forced. A little stronger.

"Feel the jump, the burst and the swell.
You get over little fears. And you feel each happy little tear.
It all ends so well."
Though these lines are really good.
They're light and inspiring.

I think you should continue with the idea with where you're going with the song. For writing a song all you need is one idea and you elaborate it over two verses and a chorus and a bridge.
You try and introduce the idea in the first verse, portray the overall idea of it in the chorus, build up on the idea in the second verse and resolve it/conclude it in the bridge.

So try that, brainstrom a little and see where your mind and creativity takes you!!