#1
this one is about finding blond hairs on your apron.
i'd never fucked a blond.
call it "My Revolt Against Bland Pussy";
a court affair where Che meets Holmes.
but, i'm not really into the "red scare".
i just like getting my dick wet.

not normally so brash,
found myself smelling braised rubbers
starring at parts of me lost.
i'd say crashing my car taught me something;
death is as commonplace as us.

back to the blond,
i keep finding missed calls from brunettes.
but their ducked.
something trendy about liking what you hate.
#2
this one is about finding blond hairs on your apron.
i'd never ****ed a blond.
call it "My Revolt Against Bland Pussy";
a court affair where Che meets Holmes.
but, i'm not really into the "red scare".
i just like getting my dick wet.
I really like "this one" as an opener. REM really ruined it for me though. Other than that this stanza was just ok. The last couple of lines were more like "yeah, yeah, I get it." You should probably tone down a few of those lines, just to make a greater impact at the end of the stanza.

not normally so brash,
found myself smelling braised rubbers
starring at parts of me lost.
i'd say crashing my car taught me something;
death is as commonplace as us.
Well, knowing what you've been through this was quite brilliant. although "crashing my car" is a bit of a boring statement. I'm sure you can spice it up a bit. I liked this part the most, though.

back to the blond,
i keep finding missed calls from brunettes.
but their ducked.
something trendy about liking what you hate.
Yeah, good solid ending. To the point and fun to read.

Not much to say really. I personally always find it hardest to put to words true events. So I was a little focused on that. The first stanza was the weakest, but by the end of the piece it all came together rather nicely.

Enjoyable.
This is not a pipe
#4
the main thing that's really bothering me here, is that it's spelled "blonde."
i didn't like the "as" before and after "commonplace." i don't think there's any good way to remedy that though.
"their" should be "they're."

and that's all i've got man. i thought you structured it very well, and it ended on a really good note. so yeah, i liked it.
matter of fact...
i'll even be a trendyfucker and say it was nothing less than, "enjoyable."
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#5
"Blonde" is spelled 'blond' on computer spell checks. It also confused me when I sent a story of mine through a spell check and found all my "blonde's" were apparantly wrong! Whats the world coming to, eh?

I really enjoyed this.

- Apart from this line, "but, i'm not really into the "red scare".
i just like getting my dick wet." - the first stanza could of been a better opener.

- The second stanza has some great little lines in it and so does the last, but the very last line stuck out to me personally. "something trendy about liking what you hate." Its considerably rough and on the edge, something I really liked about this piece.

There is very little I can add I'm afraid.

Digitally Clean