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#1
http://www.borowitzreport.com/article.aspx?ID=6896

Saying he is "sympathetic to late night comedians' struggle to find jokes to make about me," Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) today issued a list of official campaign-approved Barack Obama jokes.

The five jokes, which Sen. Obama said he is making available to all comedians free of charge, are as follows:

Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

A traveling salesman knocks on the door of a farmhouse, and much to his surprise, Barack Obama answers the door. The salesman says, "I was expecting the farmer's daughter." Barack Obama replies, "She's not here. The farm was foreclosed on because of subprime loans that are making a mockery of the American Dream."

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" Barack Obama replies, "His jockey just lost his health insurance, which should be the right of all Americans."

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
Barack Obama: The New Yorker magazine, which should be embarrassed after publishing such a tasteless and offensive cover, which I reject and denounce.

A Christian, a Jew and Barack Obama are in a rowboat in the middle of the ocean. Barack Obama says, "This joke isn't going to work because there's no Muslim in this boat."


I lol'd. Hard.
#5
Those are the worst jokes I have ever seen. I facepalmed on all of them.
Quote by SmElLy KiD
That is priceless man, you might be my new idol.


TS, whenever I see your username, I misread it as "isuckhardcocks."

Just had to get that out there.

We're ticking away, the moments that make up the dull days
#6
Those are so, so terribly awful, that they're quite funny.
Quote by DrewsGotTheLife
yea man, who ever doesnt like pantera or think they suck doesnt like metal, end of discussion, they changed the freakin world n made history, so don't be sayin they suck, have respect, same goes for machine head n lamb of god cuz their good too
#8


...

It all makes sense
We're capable of beauty
Through sounds that make on cringe
The dogs only hear us now

#12
o-(ka)b(l)am!

lold SO HARD THAT I EVENTUALLY LOST MY lungz and i'm now back from the dead
Quote by dan ramP
RSOB and Gavs must have a great relationship to be able to sleep around so much
Quote by RSOB Bass
Yeah, it's pretty flexible. Like gavz.


Likes to play thread games, also!

*[/dead]*
#13
Eh, it's all just crappy and unfunny propaganda.
Main gear (For complete list, see profile):
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Basswood Telecaster, 2 single-sized HB's, both split.
Epiphone Valve Junior
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Oh, and I have a Squier VM Jazz Bass too.
#17
Here's a funny one:

Barack Obama arrives at the pearly gates and St. Peter says to him, "what do you think makes you worthy enough to get into heaven. Obama calmly replies, "well, not only have I led a devout and moral life, but I helped out in struggling communities, donated to charity, and worked my way up the political ladder to make history." St. Peter says, "How?" and Obama replies, "well, I was the first black president." St. Peter says, "when did that happen?"

Obama checks his watch and replies, "about ten minutes ago."
Washburn WI66 Pro E Celtic Cross (1 of 48!)
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#18
Quote by MadMudgeN
Here's a funny one:

Barack Obama arrives at the pearly gates and St. Peter says to him, "what do you think makes you worthy enough to get into heaven. Obama calmly replies, "well, not only have I led a devout and moral life, but I helped out in struggling communities, donated to charity, and worked my way up the political ladder to make history." St. Peter says, "How?" and Obama replies, "well, I was the first black president." St. Peter says, "when did that happen?"

Obama checks his watch and replies, "about ten minutes ago."

That's actually not bad.
#19
Thats nice.


*Finds comfortable grassy knoll outside Obama's house*
Quote by imdeth
This man deserves my +1

+1

Quote by denizenz
Go in peace my son, and teach to the pit dwellers what I have shown unto you.


ಠ_ಠ


XBL: huffy409
#20
if he wins.. its no longer called the white house


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#22
Quote by noxiosimitator
if he wins.. its no longer called the white house

It'll be called the house of Ethnic unity.

Also

Quote by imdeth
This man deserves my +1

+1

Quote by denizenz
Go in peace my son, and teach to the pit dwellers what I have shown unto you.


ಠ_ಠ


XBL: huffy409
#23


That is all.
Bands to see before I die:
Iron Maiden
Foo Fighters
Megadeth
Reel Big Fish
Rush
Streetlight Manifesto

Gear:
Epi LP Standard
Washburn Strat
Line 6 Spider (Yes, I know it's bad)

GAS:
Ibanez RG3570Z
Digitech Whammy
#25
Quote by noxiosimitator
if he wins.. its no longer called the white house



I'd rather have him than Hillary Clinton.
They don't think it be like it is, but it do.
#26
I heard someone once say how can Barack Obama be the president, its called the White House
#30
Quote by frankv
These are supposed to parodise himself right?

Obviously.
C'mon, black and white and red all over, ie. he's of mixed race and people accuse him of being a commie
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#32
I've got one for you:

Barak Obama is an Arab, Muslim, Terrorist, Socialist, Communist Kenyan.

That's some funny shit right there.
#34
Quote by freedoms_stain
I've got one for you:

Barak Obama is an Arab, Muslim, Terrorist, Socialist, Communist Kenyan.

That's some funny shit right there.


Wait... I thought he was from hawaii
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#35
I'd like to say that if Dave Chappelle was still around, he would make funny ass sketces about him.
[font="Arial Blackeat my asshole... far more tasteful than kissing someone's ass[/FONT"]
#36
Quote by Article
She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying "That's yours"

Wii Is For Queers! Co-Founder Of The "We Hate Wii" Club
Return to a Condition of Being...<-Band. Add plz!
#37
Jeez....

those sucked. but they get lulz for failing.

haha
PSN: snakeXdoctor

Quote by OneOfTheseDays
My friends cat smokes, wears a leather jacket and swears at me when i look at it.He is really fat so it makes it even more funny.
#38
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

One was the first man to walk on the moon


The other is a suspected paedophile.


Disclaimer: This post has nothing to do with Obama, I just really, really wanted to tell that joke.
#39
Have you heard? The presidential Rose Garden has been replaced with a watermelon patch!
Also,
Obama changed the national
bird from the Eagle to the fried chicken.


Yeah, I suck at life.
I love Foxy Shazam more than you.



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