#1
hey all, right now this is just a poem but I am definitely interested in adding some music to it at some point down the road. its a poem I'm planning on giving to a friend/crush, and I was just wondering if you could offer any helpful suggestions. I keep rereading it and it sounds more or less like a new pop emo band wrote it (which there is nothing wrong with, I just personally hate how it sounds).
Any suggestions on how I can improve this?
so far its also untitled :P
The brunette goddess with the heart of gold
will have the greatest love life, better than fairy tales of old
the man she meets will treat her right
always trying to give her the world, free from strife
while she might believe otherwise, this is the life she deserves
for it is because of her people's good morals are preserved.
This poem is a reminder just how special you are
that to your friends you are their guiding north star
Because of your kindness to all who know you
I promise to be there whenever you feel blue
to help you up when you fall
and shout your name when you fear no one will call
this is the life that you deserve
all because you brighten up the world.