#1
Any thoughts welcome. It's not my first attempt, but hell, I usually write the music not the words haha.


I've been waiting here for you
and I've been here so long
my minds been torn in two
can't you see what you've done?


Girl, I know you said
you've got better things to do
oh, have you gone and found
someone new?


I'm running circles in my mind
and i'm just trying to justify
what's been said
and everything thats been happening
I think of you
and my whole world stops


It's not real
We struggle through the days
and find our lives don't fit our dreams
It's surreal
and as she drives away
I find it's hard to start again


I've been waiting here so long
I sit here and watch
my life and dreams float by
don't you see what i've become?

Girl I know you said
you've got better friends than me
now do you feel alive,
somehow free?


I'm running circles in my mind
and I'm just trying to justify
what's been said
and everything thats been happening
I think of you
and my whole world stops


It's not real
We struggle through the days
and find our lives don't fit our dreams
It's surreal
and as she drives away
I find it's hard to start again (x2)
#2
it's pretty cliche, the whole way through. but there's a market for this kind of song, it just depends on what you were aiming for.

i thought it odd you referred to the girl as "you" like you're singing to her, but switched it to "she" for the chorus.

if it was me i'd try to change the way i'd describe things and be a little more imaginative.

hope that helps.
#3
mm i'm way too lazy to do a full crit. so. ok. i'll just do a little synopsis.

One. i agre with AK this is pretty cliche. but hten again what isnt. and yes i'm sure there is a market for these kinds of songs, pop/rock.

2. stick with the music lol.
C4C if u want. you dont have to. i wont b angry because i didn't do a full crit. so i wont expect one in return. though it would be nice
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")