#1
Ok, so I wrote this song in about 5 minutes, so don't be suprised if it sucks really bad, trust me most of my lyrics are better. I was just seeing if anybody else had any ideas of what I could do to this song.

Most people probably wouldn't know what this was about so I'll fill you in. It's about Vlad III the Impaler (Vlad Dracula III). He reigned over Wallachia (Transylvania) and his enemy was the Ottoman Empire (Turkey), who were trying to expand there borders. So Vlad was against Ottoman expansionism. There was a forest were many Turkish soldiers were impaled, it was known as the 'Forest of Impalment'. So thats just the main idea. Enough of my yakkin heres the lyrics


I watch as the forest calms
The scene is filled with fog and Turkish men
Asked them their plans for expansionism
They said not a word for the Ottomans are dead

Roadway lined with thousands
Turkish soldiers on parade
Maybe their part of the play
Or are their corpses here to stay

The forest of Impalment
Where the streets are lined with bloodshed
Lined up in geometrics
The Turks are here to stay
The forest of Impalment
Where soldiers come to die
Where fog is thick as blood
And blood is everywhere
The forest of Impalment
Where the stakes are high
The Turks line up to die
For they shall line the roadways
Served as Traffic lights


THNX for the help
#3
Hey I actually knew what you were talking about b4 the explantion...I dunno y...but yeah I can tell its just rough right now but I'm sure if its for metal or something it would sound alright.
#4
Actually I was trying to make it more of a grunge sounding thing. I just kinda wanted to write a grunge-sounding song with more of a black metal theme.
#5
Quote by mitchells_mom
Actually I was trying to make it more of a grunge sounding thing. I just kinda wanted to write a grunge-sounding song with more of a black metal theme.



that seems a bit odd, but ok. id just work on cleanign it up a bit. (break out a thesaurus)...like how you say blood twice in like 2 lines, and you say "Turks" alot...use synonyms for the situation.

otherwise, pretty good.