#1
Hey everybody this is my first song I've posted here. I'm not sure about my songwriting...I try, but my rhymes might be a little too cliche? Either way...criticism is always the best thing so don't hold back lol. This song is for a slower reggae song, but sung in more of a jamaican style toasting (that's why I have bad spelling like "da" instead of "the", etc)...I dunno if that matters to you or not lol. If you've ever heard "Mellow Mood" by Slightly Stoopid, it is sorta similar to the second verse in that song...anyway, this one's called Lifted Conscience, thanks!

now everybody listen to what I gotta say
only gonna say dis once can you hear me okay
smoke dem tree n puff it twice then pass it to your left
and if you ain't a smoker than you better brace yourself
lifted conscience give da vibe you know you wanna feel
mellow out, layin' out don't make your life all too real
take it back and take a stand and take another spliff
feel the riddim in your veins and take another hit


do what you need to do to make a difference in da world
ya better stay high all da time no matter who it's for
make your money make your fame live your life to all its worth
smoke your weed until your dumb then smoke just a little more
lift your conscience so you can hear every little word
does anybody really know how small we are and what's our role
da rapin all da fightin leadin to da killin of our soul
da world is yours today don't ever lose control
Fender Hot Rod Deluxe
Gibson Faded V
Warmoth Strat copy
Epiphone Hummingbird (FS!!)
Ibanez SR400QM
Fender BXR100
Reggae Bass Covers mahn!!!

#2
i like it....

think it would sound best if it was kinda in the style of Rage Against The Machine, of Cage The Elephant if u have heard of them.... maybe even a Good Charlotte ranting style....

but good lyrics.
Its pretty hard to get lines that long to mean somehting and to rhyme so good work.
I wud suggest like a catchy chorus to go around the verses if u get me? and maybe a break? (squeeze in a guitar solo if u want :P)
but thats just little details of turning it into a full song
#4
veryy good

i supose i was trying to fit the lyrics to th kinda music i like but it realy suits the reggae now i listen to it.

and I like the guitar in there too (nice harmonics in the middle solo)
#5
Quote by stinger12345
Hey everybody this is my first song I've posted here. I'm not sure about my songwriting...I try, but my rhymes might be a little too cliche? Either way...criticism is always the best thing so don't hold back lol. This song is for a slower reggae song, but sung in more of a jamaican style toasting (that's why I have bad spelling like "da" instead of "the", etc)...I dunno if that matters to you or not lol. If you've ever heard "Mellow Mood" by Slightly Stoopid, it is sorta similar to the second verse in that song...anyway, this one's called Lifted Conscience, thanks!

now everybody listen to what I gotta say
only gonna say dis once can you hear me okay
smoke dem tree n puff it twice then pass it to your left
and if you ain't a smoker than you better brace yourself
lifted conscience give da vibe you know you wanna feel
mellow out, layin' out don't make your life all too real
take it back and take a stand and take another spliff
feel the riddim in your veins and take another hit

Nice start


do what you need to do to make a difference in da world
ya better stay high all da time no matter who it's for
make your money make your fame live your life to all its worth
smoke your weed until your dumb then smoke just a little more
lift your conscience so you can hear every little word
does anybody really know how small we are and what's our role
da rapin all da fightin leadin to da killin of our soul
da world is yours today don't ever lose control


Like it but too short, needs some more words m8
"I wish I had a Dean :/ Some day I will get my wings too "


I am a beginner guitarist and I am so proud I joined the guitar world ^^ It's pretty cool. Songs I learned till now :

Talk by Coldplay