#1
Hey. I'm 16 and this is my first attempt at writing lyrics for a song so any critisism would be welcome. I know its pretty amateur-ish but i'm here to improve Also, any recommendations for a title would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Falling with my broken wings,
I know reality is below,
Beneath the lies and the deceits,
Yet I can’t seem to let you go.

Misconceptions are closing in,
Complexities making me think twice,
I never thought I’d rethink us,
Now, I guess I’ll pay the price.

Blind eyes see
Whatever they dream
So stop looking to the sky
It’s high time you looked inside

You cut me deeper than you know,
No blood on your hands,
I hope the fears will fade away,
Cos I’m scared of where I stand.

Blind eyes see
Whatever they dream
So stop looking to the sky
It’s high time you looked inside

Hate breeds hate,
Love finds love,
Hands hold hands,
Don’t let me go,
Don’t let me go.

I’ll dream of you tonight,
For better or worse,
This love we share is beautiful,
But for you its a curse.
#2
Quote by BassTang


Falling with my broken wings,
I know reality is below,
Beneath the lies and the deceits,
Yet I can’t seem to let you go.
This first verse is really good. the last line is a little cliche, but i can't really really think of anything else that fits.


Misconceptions are closing in,
Complexities making me think twice,
I never thought I’d rethink us,
Now, I guess I’ll pay the price.
Once again really good. I love the first two lines. In the third line, perhaps changing "us" to "this" would work better.

Blind eyes see
Whatever they dream
So stop looking to the sky
It’s high time you looked inside
This works really well as a chorus. It's straight to the point and flows brilliantly.

You cut me deeper than you know,
No blood on your hands,
I hope the fears will fade away,
Cos I’m scared of where I stand.
Great. No problems, but doesnt really wow me.


Blind eyes see
Whatever they dream
So stop looking to the sky
It’s high time you looked inside

Hate breeds hate,
Love finds love,
Hands hold hands,
Don’t let me go,
Don’t let me go.
This is ok for a bridge, but all the lyrical maturity that was shown up to this point seems to have disappeared.

I’ll dream of you tonight,
For better or worse,
This love we share is beautiful,
But for you its a curse.
This seems too literal in the last two lines compared to the first two. Still, a great close to a great piece.


Overall this is outstanding for a first attempt (I find it hard to believe you have never written lyrics before.)

Now if you wouldnt mind giving my latest piece a crit:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=924027

cheers mate
I'm here to help

Quote by Jimbleton
ok, as usual pit is being very unhelpful except andychalmers, so im gonna go post this someplace else


And a master of storytelling...

Quote by Jackolas
andychalmers102, that story is awesome.
#3
Thanks man. I've written poetry before, but never to a high standard. So this is my first realistic attempt at writing a song. Thanks for the encouragement
#4
Hey I don't know how to crit properly but your lyrics are really nice.
Baby, can you dig your man?
He's a righteous man,
Baby, can you dig your man?

- Larry Underwood