#1
We have a band and we are willing to make our first album and first single :



This is part of the song, see if it is on the right tracks :

Rays of The Silver Moon

Rays of The Silver Moon
Refreshes me from the hot sun of June
You lead the roads I take
You keep leading me without a break

Look at the Silver Light
It's gonna shine tonight
It's a living beauty
Oh it makes me moody

Rays of the Silver Moon
They will fade soon
The burning planet is gonna come
Silver, orange and yellow will become

Bye bye Silver Moon
I will see you soon
I will wait for you
Me and you big friends grew
"I wish I had a Dean :/ Some day I will get my wings too "


I am a beginner guitarist and I am so proud I joined the guitar world ^^ It's pretty cool. Songs I learned till now :

Talk by Coldplay
#2
Anyone?
"I wish I had a Dean :/ Some day I will get my wings too "


I am a beginner guitarist and I am so proud I joined the guitar world ^^ It's pretty cool. Songs I learned till now :

Talk by Coldplay
#3
bump
"I wish I had a Dean :/ Some day I will get my wings too "


I am a beginner guitarist and I am so proud I joined the guitar world ^^ It's pretty cool. Songs I learned till now :

Talk by Coldplay
#4
ugh ffs fine. ok ONe delete the 2 previous posts. bumpin is not allowed. you have to critique to get critique's back dont expect people to critique just because u post it
Rays of The Silver Moon
Refreshes me from the hot sun of June
You lead the roads I take
You keep leading me without a break
meh i find this kind of dull. i dont really dont have any emotion. in fact i'm pretty bored

Look at the Silver Light
It's gonna shine tonight
It's a living beauty
Oh it makes me moody
ugh.... moody? honestly. thats flagrant. i think your better off just deleting that line. it's very... forced the rhyme. and moody.. you sound like a 14 year old girl about to pms. not a good word

Rays of the Silver Moon this whole silver light crap is boring me
They will fade soon
The burning planet is gonna come
Silver, orange and yellow will become
ack... indiffrent

Bye bye Silver Moon
I will see you soon
I will wait for you
Me and you big friends grew
ugh.. this is a depressing closer

ugh.. over all this is very... wanting. i think that you need to START READING AND CRITIQUING other people's work. try and look for what works and waht doesnt work and eventually you will learn to write better. for example. look at zanacrosses work or my name is pete. or uhh somebody's is good too. any of the mod's are good as well. but relaly you have to critique. that is how you will grow. and dont bump your own thread. just go out a dn critique some one's and expect a rcrit back. if not that just rude... make sure u do like a full crit like i did. oh and makesure u leave a hyperlink. crit one of mine? in sig
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
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(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
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