#1

Down The Walk


Friday night back down the walk,
Six of these fellers started to talk
‘’who the **** do u think you are walking around here with all that swagger’’
So I turned round with a finger salute then launched myself into the crew
Fists were flying we were all smileing
to the fists of violence
When all was said and done
I walked myself into the club,
As I walked in she caught my eye
Dancing really sexy she made my blood pressure high.

I want to dance with that girl in the ruby shoes
I want a chance with that girl in the ruby shoes
U hope she’s going home with you
That girl, that girl in the ruby shoes.

The night go’s on we all drink more
I head back to the bar to re-fuel
I find the girl in the ruby shoes I dance with the girl in the ruby shoes
I want a chance with that girl in the ruby shoes
U hope she’s going home with you
That girl, that girl in the ruby shoes
That girl, that girl in the ruby shoes
That girl, that girl in the ruby shoes.


so what you think guys? open to ideas with lyrics.
Last edited by Kirke23 at Oct 19, 2011,
#4
im not so sure about this piece. no offense. i couldnt tell if you were screwing around or if this was supposed to be a serious song. dont get me wrong i got a kick out of it. it was nice and had a neat story (although the idea is pretty cliche). what threw me off was the lack of rhythm and the lyrics, which seemed too forced. the first two stanzas the rhymes were really weak.

i think you could out a little more time into the piece and it could turn out really good. My advice: use rhyme zone and possibly a dictionary. read other peoples work and look at their choice of words. basically study the the songs you like and incorporate that into your stuff. i think that if you work more with the flow and the rhyming you'd do some really great work.

keep it up mate! Cheers.
Whatever it is you do, DO NOT CLICK HERE! ! it will bring the end of the world upon us all!!!! I swear you click it, and you will end o.O
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#5
cheers for the advice rulebreaker , i am new 2 all this and want all the help i can get.
is rhyme zone a web site?
#6
yeah its rhymezone.com

ive used that site while writing almost every single one of my songs. its a huge help when you've found that there are some weaker lyrics that just dont quite fit. just remember that you might have to change the whole line, possibly the entire verse to make it work for you. dont be afraid to play around with it and try things you normally wouldnt. you'll get a lot better at writing. i promise.

good luck. looking forward to reading some more of your work in the future.
Whatever it is you do, DO NOT CLICK HERE! ! it will bring the end of the world upon us all!!!! I swear you click it, and you will end o.O
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