Romeo and Juliet; The Final Act

I'm curious as to why
Your stench still lingers on my mind
Our romance ended long ago
But the cause i've yet to find.
How many years must pass me by
Before I finally decide
To leave this fairy-tale that's gone awry,
And leave all hope behind.

Logically this makes no sense
I can see it in my head
We're a modern Romeo and Juliet;
We'd both just end up dead.
Sometimes though; secretly I wish
That there was somthing left for us to save,
Besides you're breathless departing obscenities
And the debts you've left unpaid.

My brain and heart are torn apart
My mind knows I've been used
You've thrown away my bleeding heart
And left me here abused.
Though somehow still, all carnage put aside
I manage to see inside your heart
The good left hidden deep inside.
While I'm being scolded by my mind
Still I yearn to have you by my side
We can leave this all behind,
Into the sunset we can ride.


Please crit this. My fav piece that I've written.

Forum for tattoo artists/painting and drawing: Electronic Ink
not my type of lyrics but pretty cool
Quote by mitchells_mom
I totally agree with LegionsOfDeath

Quote by Ovenman
Photoshop is for n00bs. Real men use MS paint.

That wasn't bad man. Its a good typical ab ab rhyme scheme. I personally like to try to do different schemes but thats just me ; )
It's hard to judge. You really need to know the way to sing it...But they sound pretty awesome. Music is very much poetry in my opinion, and this was great poetry.

Only part that was off (although a great line which fit in) was:

Besides you're breathless departing obscenities

Because it was a much longer line than the rest.