Once again, just who the hell came up with the term mathcore? Jeez louise...

This is now finshed, after a few small tweaks and a rewrite of the ending.
Ah yes - crit this and I will crit back, but please remind me if I forget, and I do forget a lot, I'm a pretty dopey dude.

A few words on RSE... I don't write using it, but I do, sometimes, listen back with the RSE on, to get an idea of how the piece might sound with certain effects to them.
(For example, this piece has delay on the two clean guitars.)
I find that RSE is good for effects, and only effects - if I wanna hear the notes of a piece, I'll take midi please, thankyouverymuch. But you guys can listen with either - there's not so much dissonance in this one, so the notes are mostly clear.

Also, I've not got round to lyrics yet, but if I do, they'll more than likely pop up on my deviantART account.

Cheers again guys,

World of Dust Zip.zip
Last edited by ealtdharkon at Aug 4, 2008,
Still owe me half a crit.... >.>

EDIT: Here's my crit:

Reminded me a good bit of Sikth, especially riff one and the riff with the clean guitar, the chorus was great, I love how you used the choir there, but it was too loud. I also liked how riff 1 flowed seamlessly, I couldn't tell there was any usage of odd time signatures there so good job. The clean came in nicely, if somewhat unexpectedly, but I loved how well it went with the distorted guitars. I felt that the drums should gain some power on the riff 1 at the end, seemed a little too weak. Great song.

Oh yeah, GREAT BASS. The slap bass in this song made the song, it really put a lot of punch into the lower notes, and it seemed to be the leading instrument in riff 1.
Last edited by bloodshed344 at Aug 3, 2008,
I love the rhythm of the first riff.

It sort of makes me want to dance, in a cool but complex way. ****ing heavy.

The A tuning always gets me, it's like, "damn that's low, I think I need to go t the toilet."

The next bit is really cool, but the choir is too loud. The bass is amazing, as well as the riff, and reminds me of Sikth, (which is a good thing.)

I didn't like the breakdown, the pitch of the guitars sort of kills it. It honestly feels two low to have the right kind of energy for that riff. If you played that on the e string instead it would sound great.

The solo sounds really cool. It can be a little bit too repetitive, and doesn't really strike as anything other than a small lead, it could probably do with a little bit of shred also.

The reiteration of the riff sounds cool.

The clean part is cool, but the riff that goes over it does not suit it, it is too chromatic to it the riff.

Nice ending.


Very good.
Here's a funny story, I have heard of Sixth, but never listened to them.
...the other prog metal song I've stuck up here, I was told sounded like a whole heap of bands I don't know... hmm.

Oh, and Lucas, for some odd reason, the riff under the cleans always seems to come in sounding out of tune, even though it's all in key, and a lot of the notes are the same notes, too. But that's only 9 times outta ten, every now and then the dissonant sound goes away.
And that's a not a remotely chromatic riff either, I'm pretty sure it's in E minor.

Oh, actually, having gone off on an mini-RSE-rant on editing my first post, you can hear the notes better in RSE. How about that?

And bloodshed: I'll finish that crit once I've cleaned my room.

the chorus and the bridge are ****ing great

the solos pretty sweet too

not really uh giving a critique but uh...

Verse 2, hell ya! The low tuning is awesome for this part, to the guy that said it makes him want to go to the toilet LMFAO, I was half way done gulping my pepsi and it came squirting out my nose, thanks a lot you bastard my nostrils still burn (its been 5 min) haha

The intro riff was pretty cool I suppose, I've never heard any "mathcore" songs before so i can't really judge it, my educated guess w/o looking it up would define mathcore as weird timings and I think you pulled it off great.

The riff at bar 18, I think it sounds a lot better w/o the choir ahs, just my opinion. But I love that riff though, sounds sick. Verse 2 riff is my favorite in this song though, fantastic job!

The bridge sounds cool too, once again, choir ahs = ruins the moment.

Sick job on the transition at bar 73, most people would not be able to pull it off but you did!

I also quite enjoyed the clean part, at first I didn't like where it was going but when you had the rhythm distortion guitar overdub the clean part it fit like a glove, bar 98 sounds freakin awesome btw, that slide you do on the 6th string from 3rd fret to open, pat yourself on the back my friend.

Bar 105, turn down the 4th guitar's volume, its overpowering and makes the other layers hard to discern/hear.

Overall I really enjoyed this song, 9/10 easily. Change up the drums a bit but other than that this song is solid.

crit a song from my latest album? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1095241
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
I somehow accidently found this song and did not plan to comment on it, since I barely like that kind of progressive metal or whatever it is^^
But I did like it so I just had to throw my two cents in =)

This Verse 2 riff is just awsome, very Opeth/Meshuggah feel to it!
Only point I didn't like was the solo, but thats just my taste i guess^^
Oh and I think that you used the drums in a very fitting way, no need to change here at all.
Keep it up!
Riff 1 - Awesome, flowed amazing, couldn't really notice the odd time sigs cause it was so well done.

Chorus - Very good, loved the choir but it was much too loud, took it down abit and it sounded much better.

Bridge - Same as the chorus

Verse 2 - Nice chugg, very funky but heavy at the same time.

Solo - Nice, but a bit over the top, bars 61/62 fitted the best I thought.

Clean Pt 1 - Thought this was pretty horrible, didn't really fit and sounded out alot of the time.

Clean pt 2 - Much better

Ending on the best riff, very good song!

8/10 - Mainly because the first clean part really threw the feel of the song off. Otherwise it would have been 9 or 10.

Well done again.
Critting as I listen/watch. Second time listening... so I probably won't catch everything.

I love the intro. Very... I don't know... Locust/Psyopus/etc sounding.

Turning into the verse was well done. I wish harmonics sounded better in GP.

Choir in the chorus is way overbearing. I didn't mess with it.. But I could hardly hear anything other than the drums, choir, and thumping (not the notes, just the thump) of the bass. The riff looked solid though.

I really like the bridge riff, and the fill right after it.

I also like the breakdown feel of the second and third verse. I do feel that maybe you could do a little more varying in it though. Think Petrucci.. Not a lot of difference, just enough to make it stay interesting.

I think the transition into the chorus could be executed better maybe. Maybe it was just the volume issues.

Bridge stayed the exact same.

The solo sounded nice.. But it did sound just a bit wanky.

I love doing what you did to get back into Riff 1.. It sounds so good. lol

The clean part was most excellent. Balancing issues are the only problem. When all the drums and distortion were back, I was only hearing every few notes of the clean guitar.

I liked going back into the verse. The transition was sweet.

I don't like the repetition at 142-151... Maybe change the bridge and fill up. I like how the open chord and lead over it sound.. But too much of a great thing can be a bad thing.

Overall, good song. I liked each part of it, and it all went together well. I'd definitely listen to this if it were on a CD. lol

Care to let me know what you think of mine? :]