#1
outwards from the dust,
like a giant
gaping
mouth; I am the instinctual people,
downward deep
inside somewhere nice,
I pray it won't last much longer,
and it's only making things worse.
I kindly and calmly drag things,
a lack of strength to pick
myself up.
god damn it.
god ****ing damn it.

not nearly as good as I thought.

whenever you open your mouth
all i see is a tab to pull
to make it close. i want your to eyes shut,
your mouth to bleed, and to have
your tongue in my hand,
my wish is your command.

lights were charitable things, blessings
and such for little people looking up,
never guessed how much living
costs between loving and letting go,
the middle for two ugly points
on a chart. sit low
swing low
subtle tingly spines,
notches locked in notches,
skin presses against sand paper
to smooth away the bumps on our face.

this isn't as pretty as I hoped.
i'm not writing what I want anymore.

and i draped over my shoulders
a red cloth that i called a cape,
my arms were once made of metal and
every waking moment I felt the
crushing weight of all the world's
will to destroy inside my single frame.
an ashtray,
an elephant,
or whatever you want.
Just don't waste my time.

this didn't turn out how I wanted it too,
it's not nearly as honest.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
Last edited by Something_Vague at Aug 3, 2008,
#2
- "mouth; I am the instinctual people," - I love the way this line doesn't break up.

- "I kindly and calmly drag things," - This line had a certain evil quality to it. It felt like The Punisher was saying this to his victims. 'I calmy and kindly dragged their ****in' blood spilled bodies out onto the pavement and drove over their heads with my car until the sun rose the next morning; it felt good.' Thats what I can imagine, great word usage, and the following vulgar langauge just perfects that feeling of anger.

- "the middle for two ugly points" - This is interesting.

- "subtle tingly spines," - Haha!

- "every waking moment I felt the
crushing weight of all the world's
will to destroy inside my single frame." - This is laid out oddly, it doesn't quite flow as well as the rest of this anger filled piece.

I know what you are saying, it's not the most humbling and honest of songs, but it's so brimmed with angst and rebelliousness, I don't care personally. Anger is one of the strongest emotions and it was quite evident in this crackin' song!

Very good work mate, don't be ashamed of it, I wouldn't be.

Digitally Clean