#1
This song is named for the current circumstances of my posting in T&C. That is that I am in fact "Back" and posting another song. Clever, I know.

anyways, I was inspired to write this little tune after listening to Seven Years by Saosin multiple times a day for a couple weeks. Anthony Green I wanted the "light" verse into heavyish other stuff sound or whatever.

So here it is. Crit for crit of course.

Transitions are still being figured out. I know how I want them to sound, but it always seems abrupt. *shrug* Bridge is an afterthought. It's sucky cause it's an 'I don't know what to do here so I'll stick something in' kind of thing.

But tell me what you think. I'd appreciate it greatly if you guys would give me at least a couple really specific flaws I can change.
I hope you guys enjoy.

Edit: man, I hate how it sounds on GP4. If you have 5 with RSE, please use it. a lot of the mixing and everything sounds tons better.

DoubleEdit: New (3rd) version up with mixing changes thanks to icronic as well as a couple more tweaks.

TripleEdit: New (4th) version already up. this includes bridge drum changes thanks to bloodshed. I had no idea you guys would give such great advice. I love how this song is turning out.

QuadEdit: 5th version up. Bass solo in the bridge added. not sure if I like it that much. and I don't know why I bother to edit this first post over and over.
Attachments:
4-5-7.zip
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Aug 7, 2008,
#2
I'm amazed dude!!!
this is the type of thing that makes guitarists go
"Wow, I gotta learn this!" and that's including me!
I find the bridge fine, fits in really nice. But that's my opinion, if you
want to change it, change it

overall, nice work. 10/10!!!
#3
wow, thanks man. I wasn't expecting an answer like that.

but I suppose I might keep the bridge.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#4
Quote by Its_Rock77
wow, thanks man. I wasn't expecting an answer like that.


Why not?

It's a damn good song.

The biggest problem here is not anything to do with how the song has been written, but instead with how the song is mixed.

I love the verses, they're perfect. Especially if vocals are meant to go over them.

The pre chorus is also great, but I feel the drums kind of intrude on the guitar riff, and guitar 2's sound/volume clashes with guitar 1. I absolutely love what you do in the last bar of each pre chorus. Dropping everything out and just having the riff play just sounds great, and makes for a really smooth transition back into the verse.

I do find it odd that you play a pre-chorus without actually going into the chorus, but who cares? It works. I love guitar 1's part, while again the drums and guitar 2 feel just a hair too loud to me.

The bridge isn't actually all that bad. But guitar 1's part should have been guitar 2's part and vise versa. The chords were just too loud, and the lead fills were too quiet. Other than that, I'm not sure I would change it too much. Maybe instead of the straight strumming you could open it up a little, maybe have the guitar walk the low note into the next chord, maybe fool around with some sus2 or sus4 thing to add flavour or something. But yeah, it really doesn't need a whole lot and the basic idea is a good one.

Loved both of the solos as well.
#5
that was really nice dude...

the only thing that grated on me was the constant e on the 12th string

other than that, amazing dude
#6
thanks a lot guys. I am quite proud of this song and I am glad you guys enjoy it.

to answer some questions:

first of all, mixing will always be a problem for me. besides the fact that I hardly ever bother to change volumes throughout the song, it seems either my computer/speakers/rse/whatever just won't cooperate with you guys. by that I mean that it seems to sound different on my computer. I don't know why but you'll all have to bare with me.

and I called the one part the Prechorus because although it's really a bridge or interlude, I didn't want two of the exact parts being named differently

and as far as the high E thing goes, I could possibly change the top notes to be 12-11-9-7 instead of 12-12-12-12 but I'm not sure.

again, thanks for your input.

and can I get some links?
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#8
I listened with GP4, and it sounded fine.

I love the intro/verse, especially bass, I don't think I can fault anything in it. Major props on the drums - I can't write original drum riffs, and the one in this song's verses is probably nothing special to a lot of people, but I was hella impressed by it.

Prechorus I was iffy on, but by the end of the song I actually liked it a lot. The solo's were exactly as I've come to expect from your stuff - cool to listen to and technically sound. And the riff in the last chorus I loved, as well as the outro, I love that last chord

Wow, that post sounds like a whole load of asskissing, but I really did like this song a lot more than I was expecting to. 9.5/10 from me, great job!
#9
hey, thanks man.

and I've tweaked certain parts of the song and tried to improve the mixing.

edited version is in the first post.


and just cause: I'm in love!
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#10
Quote by Its_Rock77
hey, thanks man.

and I've tweaked certain parts of the song and tried to improve the mixing.

edited version is in the first post.


and just cause: I'm in love!


Does that mean you're going to start writing ballads on us now?

The mixing still is a little wacky, so I almost wonder if it's got something to do with your speaker/sound setup.

Anyway, what works for me (in order from top track to bottom) is 14, 12, 10, 9, 10. I also panned the two guitars, one -3 and one +3 The panning really helps separate guitar parts too.

Also for that bridge part I dropped the volume on guitar 1 to 10 and changed the RSE to some Crunch (British Vintage maybe?) because the patch it was on just sounded abrasive.

Anyway, you can do what you will with that information, I thought it sounded better, but what do I know?
#11
oh no. I meant I love the new smileys

I'll give those a try. thanks man!

Edit: wow, I see what you mean. those tiny changes made a huge difference. thanks so much.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Aug 5, 2008,
#12
Man this is great stuff, I love every riff, especially the verse, prechorus, and chorus (lol).

Both of the solos are great, and solo 2 is just excellent. One thing I see is the bridges drums seem too similar to the other drums and also too fast, it kinda makes it not feel like a bridge. I love the epic feel this has, and the 'Andy on The Moon - Take' during the verse, one of my favorite clean guitar settings. I also didn't like the very beginning. I really don't have much else to say, drums were kinda weird (hard to explain). Good job on it all though.
#14
the song's very based on vocals in my voice, but still nice riffs.
i didnt like the pre chorus for some reason..
it doenst fit in there in my opinion, but i have no ideas for something better. x:
but the more i liked the chorus. and the solo1 was good.. but it could've captured the emotion better, there's some potential. dont be restricted by scales.
solo 2 was much better in my opinion.
yeah.. again.
the chorus was great.

all in all, it was a good song, but i missed the voice in most parts of the songs.
#15
yeah dude, that was great. like honestly, it was really well written. i do have a couple suggestions... but they're not like flaws, more like personal preferences heh.

in the bridge, it does seem to me that that would be a great time for a bass solo, perhaps? i mean, it's kind of a relaxed point in the song and bass would work well with that. i'm not talking some flashy technical solo, but something... soulful? heh

and also, perhaps at the end you could repeat the chorus again and just have it fade out? maybe it's just me but the ending right now sounded kinda... country XD ew.

just givin my two cents tell me what you think
wait what
#17
Quote by Its_Rock77
oh no. I meant I love the new smileys

I'll give those a try. thanks man!

Edit: wow, I see what you mean. those tiny changes made a huge difference. thanks so much.


Ballad of the smileys?

Hey... That gives me a song idea... *runs off*

But yeah, there's lots of little things you can do that make a huge difference. There's tons of different RSE patches not to mention you can change between a les paul style sound or a strat styled sound. I'll usually use a strat sound for powerchord stuff or anything I"m doing on the low strings, and a les paul for leads or any kind of stuff based on the high strings.

But often the biggest result can come from just playing with the panning. It really helps give each instrument it's own separate voicing.
#18
talentfree, I did alternate drumming in the bridge.

and I might also create some basswork in the bridge. maybe not a solo so much as just something different to keep it interesting.

as far as the prechorus not fitting, I got the idea from Seven Years by Saosin. if you have time to listen to that song, you'll see what I'm kinda getting at.

and I'll be adding a vocal part to this song sometime. probably not soon though.

thanks again for all the input! this is the first time that posting a song on UG has been beneficial writingwise.

Edit: and as far as the ending goes, I wanted to keep it as is. I don't know if you guys have listened to it on GP5 with RSE, but for some reason halfway through the last measure the lead guitar just makes a cool sound and "slides off" although it's supposed to play through the entire 4 beats. I have no idea why it does this, but it sounds sweet so I don't want to change it
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Aug 5, 2008,
#19
I really, really like this piece.

Highlights - The prechorus, and the chorus. I wasn't too fond of the verse, or the bridge, but the chorus and the prechorus more than made up.

I lvoed the drums.

Another thing, I disliked was the solos, though. Meh.

8/10.
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#20
the only negative i can muster up out of llistening to it once all the way through, is that the first solo was kinda "unspecial". i mean there really wasn't any part of it was "wow" or anything (either cool factor/technique-wise). the second solo was much better, no problem there.

other then that, seems pretty well done. pleasant to listen to and sounds complete.
#21
The first solo really isn't supposed to be "flashy" or anything. it's more of a fill than a solo. I might make changes though. I want most focus to be on the second solo though.

and I'm uploading another edited version. some tiny alterations in a lot of parts of the song. It'll be up in about 10 minutes since I'm still messing with a bass solo.

Edit: 5th version is up. if anyone would be willing to tell me how the mixing during the bridge sounds, that would be great.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Aug 7, 2008,
#22
There is a new simile?
on me


...

Anyways, I like the verses, although the get repetitive without vocals (try making some, won't hurt)....
I like the use of drums, effects and instruments. I like how the prechorus sounds melodic, kind of sorrowful yet heavy.
Bars like 34 sound like from a 80's arcade game (contra, etc)
The chorus sound kind of clashy, although the main riff sounded great...

This first chorus is good, specially those last 2 bars, although it didn't stand that much....
I couldn't hear the bass in the bridge, maybe try lowering the other instruments volumes...


WFT did you do at 76?
Wicked effect....

The second chorus is better than the first, although some times I felt the phrasing wasn't that good, like in some parts it goes at a fast pace, and then suddenly it slows down, although I liked the trills and tremolos.

I didn't quite like how it ended, so abruptely. If you are going to write vocals, make for instance an outro, with the same structure as the chorus, but without the vocals singing and have another instrument play another line, making one expect the end of the song (a guitar maybe, or violin, etc)...

Anyways, be sure to write vocals and it will be great as foosh...


Maybe you wanna crit some of mine in my sig?
Last edited by gonzaw at Aug 7, 2008,
#23
Quote by Its_Rock77
Edit: 5th version is up. if anyone would be willing to tell me how the mixing during the bridge sounds, that would be great.


Almost perfect. You might want to raise the bass volume a hair, and you might experiment panning it to the right side as well, that way you'll separate the bass solo from the rhythm guitar even more, and then just bring it back to center after the solo.

And I still think both your solos were great
#25
I'm not sure what you mean about 76 gonzaw. there's no effect there. just some vibrato.
and I will be adding vocals soon. that will probably be the final addition to this song. after those, I should probably let it be. I don't want to overdo the editing to ruin the song.
and I'll also fix the ending. thanks for the advice.

I raised the bass volume at the bridge and panned it to the right. thanks icronic.

and ninja.kitty you have no idea how much that means coming from you.

once again, thanks so much for your advice guys. you've made this song 10 times better than it was when I first posted it.
I'll give you all crits and then add vocals. the final version will probably be up later today.

Edit: Well I've hit a rut as far as vocals go. All the notes that should sound right, aren't sounding right. I'll keep trying but I may wait to add a vocal line til I actually record this song.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Aug 7, 2008,