#1
Her head just hit the pavement,
Put her body in the basement,
face it, i had no where else to place,
lets just hope they can't trace it.
Trace it back to the spot where this tragedy took place at
#3
try to change the rhymes after two. As catchy as it is. Rhymes get on your nerves after more than 2 lines.
#4
Yea definetly change the rhymes after a while. Otherwise your words will start to sound forced and try and make it longer to.
Quote by patsox834
Man, you're clearly in the wrong place. The dudes of the Pit are ladykillers.

....



Totally
#5
Im starting to think that someones catching on
I wonder if someone caught a glimpse of what happened
i can't take the pressure always thinking what will become of me
if only they knew the start to this tragedy.
how she made her way to the peak of this story.
hopefully never anyone will hear the end
Last edited by b0randon at Aug 4, 2008,
#6
hey man decent. kinda iffy. rhyme scheme def gets a lil old pretty quick. i think you've done alot better than this.
Rock On HARDCORE

Please crit this. My fav piece that I've written.
Goodbye

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