#1
the girls i love are perfect girls
adore their golden silky curls
the girls i love have milkshake eyes
(the windows shatter when they cry)

and when these girls did something wrong
they set it right with perfect song
(and when these girls did something right
the whole world fell beneath their eyes)

these girls i love drink up regret
and light the stars as cigarettes
as thin as a lake. as thick as a map.
(they shake the mountains where they step)

he say "but aren't this girl too late?"
i say this girl is worth the wait
he say "why go through such commotion?"
i say tears make up the ocean.
Last edited by skagitup at Oct 2, 2008,
#2
I really like the first 3 verses, but I don't know about the fourth. it didn't seem to flow nearly as nicely as the first 3. good job all-round, however!
Lyrics: Time wasted between solos.

After a mindboggling 3-hour Steve Vai concert, I had to listen to some brainless guitar playing... so I put on Nevermind...

Jesus Rocks!
#3
love it...
1. You're surfing the internet.
2. You're browsing through the UG forums.
3. You're reading now.
5. You didn't notice that there was no #4.
6. You just checked it.
7. Now you're having a lil smile.

Quote by hawk_kst
You Sir, have the best signature like ever!
#4
really really good
Gear:
Fender MIA Strat w/EMG SA's
Fender Super 60
Boss RT-20 Rotary Sim
Ibanez AD-9 Analog Delay
EHX Big Muff

"Doctor Kindly Tell Your Wife
That I'm Alive, Flowers Thrive
Realise, Realise, Realise"
#5
you had me till the last stanza. the very first sentence of the last stanza, actually. i can't tell if the grammatical errors are intentional, are meant to be some kind of accent, or are just accidental.

other than that it was pretty good. great rhythm.
when birds flap their wings do the make believe they're really arms?
#6
Quote by hope's downfall
you had me till the last stanza. the very first sentence of the last stanza, actually. i can't tell if the grammatical errors are intentional, are meant to be some kind of accent, or are just accidental.

other than that it was pretty good. great rhythm.



it's skag. they are there for a reason.

i'm glad you're posting stuff again now. i love it all




love is a dog from hell.



#7
Quote by hope's downfall
you had me till the last stanza. the very first sentence of the last stanza, actually. i can't tell if the grammatical errors are intentional, are meant to be some kind of accent, or are just accidental.

other than that it was pretty good. great rhythm.


the grammatical 'errors' are intentional. i will not be a slave to conventions in poetry. it sounds nicer (to me) how i wrote it but i may be wrong.

i sank in adoration to the comments here tonight. you have rained all over me but it is a happy rain
Last edited by skagitup at Aug 5, 2008,
#8
oh, i only pointed out the "errors" because they tripped up the flow for me. probably should've mentioned that before, huh...
when birds flap their wings do the make believe they're really arms?
#10
and when these girls did something wrong
they set it right with perfect song
(and when these girls did something right
the whole world fell beneath their eyes)

these girls i love drink up regret
and light the stars as cigarettes
as thin as a lake. as thick as a map.
(they shake the mountains where they step)

These verses were outstanding, and the finish was perfect.

Amazing...Brilliant song. What is it, acoustic...Punk...Rock? I'd be interested.
#11
Quote by we have sound
i do however say - use "ain't" instead of "aren't"
"AINT" AINT NO REEL WERD.

Quote by skagitup
the girls i love have milkshake eyes
you have one of the most gracefully imaginative vocabularies i've ever read.
i'm with Chris man, i love everything you're posting.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#12
Quote by ottoavist
"AINT" AINT NO REEL WERD.

you have one of the most gracefully imaginative vocabularies i've ever read.
i'm with Chris man, i love everything you're posting.



so? no conventions, no words that don't exist, nothing to hold us back




love is a dog from hell.



#13
oh i know.
bad jokes; they're what i'm good for mane.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#14
Quote by wannabefrontman
Amazing...Brilliant song. What is it, acoustic...Punk...Rock? I'd be interested.


flamingo funk
#15
Quote by skagitup
the girls i love are perfect girls
adore their golden silky curls
the girls i love have milkshake eyes
(the windows shatter when they cry)
I really enjoyed this bit. Milkshake eyes, in particular.

and when these girls did something wrong
they set it right with perfect song
(and when these girls did something right
the whole world fell beneath their eyes)
I don't know what I think about this one. It seemed to detract from what the title alluded me to. Perfect girls can be wrong? And the perfect song, I felt disconnected from that. It didn't feel significant, and its vague description made me feel like it had no relevance to righting their wrong.

these girls i love drink up regret
and light the stars as cigarettes
as thin as a lake. as thick as a map.
(they shake the mountains where they step)
These images were creative, but they didn't feel pointed enough to create any character. Yeah, they light up the stars, but what does that make them? What do they mean to you?

he say "but aren't this girl too late?"
Not quite understanding the grammer.
i say this girl is worth the wait
he say "why go through such commotion?"
i say tears make up the ocean.
Good line to end on.


Overall, the first stanza was the only thing that really grabbed me.
#16
wat kordz u yoozin? guna flaminco pik em?

All I can say is that it was quite beautifully lovely until the last stanza. The last stanza had none of the zip I'd heard in the first three... it was too aggressive of a rhythm and tone change... it left me feeling like I would had you switched from being a duck to a forest fire... it was too extreme and I was bewildered by it. That, and I just plain don't like it. But, that's all just my opinion.

The first three were a class act with bells, whistles and glittery titties.