#1
i'm in your head,
trying to convince the left side
to stop being so gay. here's a toothpick,
make us of it.

a tiny bit of food stuck between
your teeth, i say something about
how you've been lonely your whole life,
it's still there.

there's nothing bigger than change,
except a dollar bill. we were safe
in the church, until I realized where
I was, we moved to the library and I
read a copy of Moby Dick and never forgave
the rest of the world.

horses in methadone clinics, slobbing
jaw lucky manes, I've kept alone
to play with myself, curse your name
during climax, I'm messing with my
decisions, my own strobe light
to my own epileptic eyes. i can't even
pretend that you don't exist.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
Last edited by Something_Vague at Aug 5, 2008,
#2
I would read more of your work.

Quote by emad
jthm_guitarist
Warned for trolling!


Quote by metal4eva_22
Didn't you say that you had a stuffed fox that you would occasionally fuck?

Quote by Axelfox
It's not a fox,it's a wolf.
#4
yes, your title is correct. Perhaps self-applicable on this one? XD

Anyway, the first two strophes were gold. It tapers off for me after that--there's good stuff in the last two, but as whole they're not up to the same standard.

All in all, it has the wit and polish that I've come to expect from you. It could be tied together better, unless I'm missing something (which is entirely possible. I'm really too tied to be doing this). Not spectacular, but I'm not sure it's supposed to be.

First one in my sig could use a look, if not, that's cool.

L8rG8r.
I owe a ton of people critiques.

If you're one of them, please PM me.

I have trouble keeping track.