#1
Yarr!

Here it is, Garret!

Only two things to say:

1. This song seems to capture a mood but I'm not sure what that mood is..

2. There's one metalcorey part that I don't really like, but it leads so well into the section after it that I gotta keep it.


Tell me what you hate, what you love, and what I need to change!

C4C!

EDIT: New version up
Attachments:
Garrett.zip
Last edited by bloodshed344 at Sep 3, 2008,
#4
Very, very nice.

I love dissonance mixed with melodics, and this definitely showed that off.

Excellent song. My favorite parts being the really melodic harmonized leads and the dissonant riffs. Well, the ones with the tritones and the marimba. The really off-tune sounding lead bit was cool as well.

I'm not one for symphonics but you didn't do horribly with the strings section, so I don't care. Drums were good as well. The buildup after the strings section was cool as well. Excellent job. The breakdown esque moment was groovey as hell. Only thing I disliked was bar 131. 9/10.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=927003
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#6
a long story short i said something about one of the riffs sounding a bit like ad a dglgmut and then the rest being cool apart from the marimba stuff and the riff before some breakdown near the 140 mark?
#8
I definitely like the part with the marimbas a lot!
The guitar soloish thing that comes afterwords is very fitting
This would definitely sound amazing done with an actual band, the drums seem to be fairly solid too.
I think 81and onward just blew my load, that was some extremely awesome ****! I definitely like the change in theme a lot.
Nice return to grunge, that's pretty awesome.
now I'm getting pummeled with a lot of really interesting progressive rock riffs
aaaaaand return to a previous theme, good to see this song has some structure!
the ending was quite creative, I must say there's nothing in this song that I don't like!
10/10 for sure, very impressive work!
#9
Quote by bloodshed344
The part with the marimbas is my favorite riff in the song...


they didnt seem to add anything, apart from being distracting
#10
i thought the best part was the bar 44/63 type thing

honestly when i heard them, i thought the marimba parts kinda didn't fit in. maybe its just not my style of music though. everyone else seems to like them so i think its just me.
#11
That was really cool. The marimbas actually added a lot to... I dunno. It kinda added a bit of atmosphere, and they fit the song perfectly. Most of the parts they are used, they keep the riff from getting old.

In a way, this kinda reminded me of Canvas Solaris, who are effing awesome.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#13
Someone's been listening to Colors
Other than the fact that it sounds very similar to Between the Buried and Me (which usually isn't a bad thing, this song is just sounds a little too much like them) there's nothing to crit, everything is perfect .
Quote by fob12
Him -"Hey, give me a high five!"
Her -"hahaha why? *high fives*"
Him - "Because I just dumped you for the lulz!"
Her -"... what?"
Him -"*runs away*"


Quote by Lefty7Stringer
killswitch engage has some dissonant riffs, they're kind grindcore tho

#15
the part with the marimbas is cool. i very liked it.
and the way you used the dissonant riffs and the melodic riffs and how you put them together, good job.
bar 83 made me laugh. ;D i liked it.
and the part after that, was cool, i liked the bass the most.
but for me, the guitar ruined the feeling a bit as they came in.
till bar 120 i didnt like it. x:
from 120 on it was cool but you could've done more with the drums i think.
and then that marmba thing again. <3
i liked it a lot.
and the outro's ok, nothing bad with it, but nothing too awesome either.
good song. (;
#16
Quote by bloodshed344
The worst part about is that when I picture vocals for it I picture Tommy's voice


thats because the strat sounds a bit ad a dglgmut, the marimba section start sounds a bit foam born the back track and the bit at 83 is decade of statues style but thats me being very harsh

im the same i now write very btbam styled stuff, theyre just too good
#17
Quote by talentfree
the part with the marimbas is cool. i very liked it.
and the way you used the dissonant riffs and the melodic riffs and how you put them together, good job.
bar 83 made me laugh. ;D i liked it.
and the part after that, was cool, i liked the bass the most.
but for me, the guitar ruined the feeling a bit as they came in.
till bar 120 i didnt like it. x:
from 120 on it was cool but you could've done more with the drums i think.
and then that marmba thing again. <3
i liked it a lot.
and the outro's ok, nothing bad with it, but nothing too awesome either.
good song. (;

Thanks for the crit.

Also, when the guitar comes in at that part, that's my favorite part in the entire song, cept for maybe the 5/4 chorus type riff.
Last edited by bloodshed344 at Sep 4, 2008,
#18
It's very spacy. Especially the end.
I love that the central melody/riff that begins at 44. Teh synth and marimbas make it sound otherworldly.
Idk about the tritone breaks in 60-62. The break is good and it revitalizes that main riff, but the guitars too overpowering.
DUDE!
I did a reverse bass/guitar role there (having the guitar playing the lower notes on the 5th string only, while following the bass, and leaving the bass as it is), and the break transition is awesome.
It's gives it a swing-y groove, while letting the bass have the spotlight.
Doing that coincides with the Decade of Statues riff that starts at both measure 24 and 72.

The dissonant runs at 82-83 are very clownish.
Idk if that's good or bad. Just creepy.

I love the spacy atmosphere and return of the guitars right after that though. Excellent.

The melody at 131-138 is great. The out-transition of this part reminds me of The Fall of Troy diving headfirst into BTBAM.

Again, central riff is great, especially as a conclusion.

I'd say 9/10. I'm not one for tritone breaks and that Ad a dglgmut riff is somewhat grating.
#20
Also, I tried that suggestion at the tritone part, it just didn't sound right, for whatever reason.

Also, I'm trying to make this transition into another song, that will in turn transition into Walking the Plank. Now, I'll have no trouble transitioning something into Walking the Plank, but I need an idea of what would sound best after the Nonfluence/Garret assault. I really need ideas, if I can get that made I would only need two more songs (Beginning and end) and I would have an album.
#21
Bar 44 onwards, wow. Good job. i love the dissonance, reminds me of old nevermore.
#22
this is cool. The dissonant riffing is fitting and catchy. That lead sounds so good, and i like the buildup into it. i loved bar 83 and the way that fit in, the drums their are very cool. The only thing i had a bit of trouble getting into was bar 131, the one with the blast. It didn't seem to me to fit in all that well and didn't really contribute much to the feel of the song.
Overall i found it very catchy and cool
i'm not hugely into breakdowns, they can be cool, after a huge buildup or whatever but here it feels they are almost overused.
imo 8.5/10, its a very well made song with all riffs fitting together with no poor transitions
#24
...if you read my first post here before I finish this, you're going to cry, I'm sure.

So, can I epic crit, in a short space of time? Can I f*ck, start weeping.

Okay bar 1 - good luck to any band trying to come in on time with an intro like that, yuck. =P

Now, that first riff of yours, I likey, but personally, on the second beat of bar 2, where you play an e three times, I'd have gone e g e, instead. And had the first guitar do the same, but a minor third up. This could be because I like to steal ideas from Cannibal Corpse, and I wuv harmonies. Who knows?

I love bar three, doo dee dee.

Bar 8 into bar 9, the drums don't flow so well, I don't think. I like the use of that low C# at the end of bar nine, on le bass.

Right, I've listened to this all before, so I can remember that this next riff, was a winner. And it sure is, oh yes oh yes. Perfect sense of rhythm. Liking the deep bass thing, also.

Not sure about the transition into the 5/4 section, that bar of 3/4 just doesn't cut it for me.

...but, the 5/4 section is wicked, again, perfect rhythm. The synth strings in bar 29, you have dotted the second note. I think it'd fit better (seeing as how all the previous bars did this) if the first note was dotted, and the second was not.

Bar 32 is my favourite so far. A bit of a Dream Theater feel over this riff, in the strings only, mind.

Bar 37-40, perfect transition.

Bar 43-44, perfect variation and transition.

Bingo!

Epic next section, nice heavy powerchords, and YAY harmonies. Epic bends also, cool bass rhythm, and I likes the use of double kick. HEY YES I LIKE DOUBLE KICK. NOTICE HOW I DID NOT SAY DOUBLE BASS! HERE'S A FUN FACT FOR ANYONE WATCHING (so not aimed at you, personally, Bloodshed me old lemon) A DOUBLE BASS IS BLOODY MASSIVE. IT'S EPIC IN IT'S PROPORTIONS, AND ODDLY ENOUGH, IT IS A BASS INSTRUMENT. IT IS NOT A DRUM PEDAL!!! ARGH!

/rant

I'm in my pyjamas. I f*cking love them.

Next section yay yay, drum grace notes FTW. Again, digging the bass, and also YAYAY bar 63 - well done.

I am glad you have repeated the epic bend section, now I don't have to crit that bit =)

Much better transition into the 5/4 part this time.
Bar 77, sort out those strings.

...sorry I'm taking so long, I just stopped to compose a short song. (/three part epic.)

Bar 78 is pretty cool mate, leads really well into the next bit.
That bar 83 phrase, I wish you'd done more with that, kept it around for a while longer, but it does lead very well into the next section.

The next section which kicks arse, striiings, and plinky plonks. Always good. Drums come in well. As do guitars, which sound MASSIVE. And evil. Are they going to get me?

SH*T HOT BASS RIFF. Duuuude, bar 120 comes in verrry nicely. Kicks you in the teeth a bit. Bar 122, win. 123 and so on are all good. Bar 126 = thrashyay.

Bars 127 up to 130 are wonderful, they really lead up into something.

Something which is a bit sh*t. Redo it, you can. Yes, bar 138 leads well into the next section, but I am sure you could rewrite the metalcore bit to make it good, and still end with the bar 138 idea. I like the way bar 138 is just a bit longer than I expected. Gives the next part more OOMPH!

The next part which is amazing. Yay.
...oh, but the strings are wearing a little thin, hmm. Overdone it?

Bar 150 works amazingly well.
Good gravy yes.

INTRO'S BACK!!! =O Nicely timed! Drums used well.

Bar 158 could be the best transition bar yet.

AND YAY THIS NEXT RIFF AGAIN!!! (I hope the bendz come back.)

THEY DO!!! Yay =)

Record this. Do it now.

=O a variation of bends, with plinky plonk!!!

...you are forgiven for your fadeout, as it had plinkyplonks over it.

Actually, that was a sweet ending chord.

Jolly good show.

Oh yes.

Indeed.

OH YEAH BOI!!!
#25
Thank you Ealtdharkon.
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Thank you Ealtdharkon.



Also, if you had any brains at all you would realize that the intro is that way because of the way nonfluence comes into it.
#26
Quote by bloodshed344
Also, if you had any brains at all you would realize that the intro is that way because of the way nonfluence comes into it.


I've not checked out Nonfluence, have I?

I might have to crit that, and all.

Oh, and you're welcome, only took a few months?

Ha... sorry about that...
#27
Quote by ealtdharkon
...if you read my first post here before I finish this, you're going to cry, I'm sure.

So, can I epic crit, in a short space of time? Can I f*ck, start weeping.

Okay bar 1 - good luck to any band trying to come in on time with an intro like that, yuck. =P

Now, that first riff of yours, I likey, but personally, on the second beat of bar 2, where you play an e three times, I'd have gone e g e, instead. And had the first guitar do the same, but a minor third up. This could be because I like to steal ideas from Cannibal Corpse, and I wuv harmonies. Who knows?

I love bar three, doo dee dee.

Bar 8 into bar 9, the drums don't flow so well, I don't think. I like the use of that low C# at the end of bar nine, on le bass.

Right, I've listened to this all before, so I can remember that this next riff, was a winner. And it sure is, oh yes oh yes. Perfect sense of rhythm. Liking the deep bass thing, also.

Not sure about the transition into the 5/4 section, that bar of 3/4 just doesn't cut it for me.

...but, the 5/4 section is wicked, again, perfect rhythm. The synth strings in bar 29, you have dotted the second note. I think it'd fit better (seeing as how all the previous bars did this) if the first note was dotted, and the second was not.

Bar 32 is my favourite so far. A bit of a Dream Theater feel over this riff, in the strings only, mind.

Bar 37-40, perfect transition.

Bar 43-44, perfect variation and transition.

Bingo!

Epic next section, nice heavy powerchords, and YAY harmonies. Epic bends also, cool bass rhythm, and I likes the use of double kick. HEY YES I LIKE DOUBLE KICK. NOTICE HOW I DID NOT SAY DOUBLE BASS! HERE'S A FUN FACT FOR ANYONE WATCHING (so not aimed at you, personally, Bloodshed me old lemon) A DOUBLE BASS IS BLOODY MASSIVE. IT'S EPIC IN IT'S PROPORTIONS, AND ODDLY ENOUGH, IT IS A BASS INSTRUMENT. IT IS NOT A DRUM PEDAL!!! ARGH!

/rant

I'm in my pyjamas. I f*cking love them.

Next section yay yay, drum grace notes FTW. Again, digging the bass, and also YAYAY bar 63 - well done.

I am glad you have repeated the epic bend section, now I don't have to crit that bit =)

Much better transition into the 5/4 part this time.
Bar 77, sort out those strings.

...sorry I'm taking so long, I just stopped to compose a short song. (/three part epic.)

Bar 78 is pretty cool mate, leads really well into the next bit.
That bar 83 phrase, I wish you'd done more with that, kept it around for a while longer, but it does lead very well into the next section.

The next section which kicks arse, striiings, and plinky plonks. Always good. Drums come in well. As do guitars, which sound MASSIVE. And evil. Are they going to get me?

SH*T HOT BASS RIFF. Duuuude, bar 120 comes in verrry nicely. Kicks you in the teeth a bit. Bar 122, win. 123 and so on are all good. Bar 126 = thrashyay.

Bars 127 up to 130 are wonderful, they really lead up into something.

Something which is a bit sh*t. Redo it, you can. Yes, bar 138 leads well into the next section, but I am sure you could rewrite the metalcore bit to make it good, and still end with the bar 138 idea. I like the way bar 138 is just a bit longer than I expected. Gives the next part more OOMPH!

The next part which is amazing. Yay.
...oh, but the strings are wearing a little thin, hmm. Overdone it?

Bar 150 works amazingly well.
Good gravy yes.

INTRO'S BACK!!! =O Nicely timed! Drums used well.

Bar 158 could be the best transition bar yet.

AND YAY THIS NEXT RIFF AGAIN!!! (I hope the bendz come back.)

THEY DO!!! Yay =)

Record this. Do it now.

=O a variation of bends, with plinky plonk!!!

...you are forgiven for your fadeout, as it had plinkyplonks over it.

Actually, that was a sweet ending chord.

Jolly good show.

Oh yes.

Indeed.

OH YEAH BOI!!!

OH YEAH!