Awesome retorts that, at that moment, you bit back, but now want to share.

well, my mom just set up her showroom for displaying the menus that her company sells, and she's all exited and junk, and me and my dad just finished assembling all the furniture and setting it up and stuff.

Well on the drive back to our house, just me and my dad, he started going off on his own little tangent, as he usually does, and this time it was about how my mom "finally has a her own place in the world, a place where she feels she can call a home base" And I swear to god, I used the willpower of 10 men to not say "Then what do you call the kitchen" or "How about the kitchen" something to that effect.

For my dad and mum's sake's, and mainly my own sake, I bit it back, but now I need to let it out.

tl;dr I bit back the "back2kitchen" retort about my mom

anyone else have an experience like this, and need to let it out now? Feel free, and go for it.
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I had sex with your wife
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Jeff Ament is a sexy sexy beast.

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I was getting fitted for pants and the lady was shy the whole time but then said "How does the crotch fit?"

Then I said "Fine, how about yours?"
Just remember, at the end of the game, the king and the pawn go in the same box
Right, I just decided to not hold one back, might have been a bit over the line though.
A work mate was talking to someone about his ex, and he mentioned that a friend of his is now going out with her. He then paused and said, "just thought I'd slip that in there.". I shouted out "I think you'll find that's what HE's doing". Queue awkward silence.
This isn't a verbal retort, but I think it would've been wonderful revenge if I let this guy who tried to molest me just go for it. I was on my period. I would love to see the look on his face.
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this thread smells like fail. Funny retorts that have actually been said are much better

it rapidly deteriorated into a whole bunch of quotes from the same thing...
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"That's the most coherent thing you've ever said. And it made no sense."
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sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"
one time this drunk guy who is always drunk was visiting my dad and sometimes he comes up to hear me play guitar.

this one tim when he came up I was drinking milk and he said: "you have to stop drinking that sh*t!"

I was so close to saying: "you're the one to talk. the sh*t you drink is probably so much better" he's always drinking something with alcohol in it

but I didn't say it
I was in English class one time and our teacher was picking kids to go up and do a few lines each of a little play (just some guy trying to pick up a girl at the beach and failing horribly). So it was usually a guy and a girl, ofc, until he called up these two guys from the back of the room cause they were messin around. What made it funny was that their part involving the guy rubbing suntan oil on the girl's shoulders. So he was like "C'mon boys we can wait until 4:00 for you to get this done" and then the one of them was like "I'm not sure if I wanna do it though...It'll feel weird, cause we're like, best friends." And then I went with the classic "That's what she said!" in my head, and laughed a bit. Until the whole class looked at me. Then I was like, "Oh F*ck, did i say that out loud?" It obviously didn't help the situation. I got detention. Sh*t like that happens to me a lot.

Sorry for the wall of text btw.
Last edited by Pat_s1t at Aug 6, 2008,
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I had sex with your wife

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