#1
Hi UG members. I was sitting in class today and all of a sudden this popped into my head. tell me what you think:

It's all you want
You always want more
You'e even resorted
To becoming a wh0re

You'll never have enough
You'll even sell your soul
Keep going, don't stop
Keep digging that hole

That hole, one day
Shall be your grave
Still you only care
How much money can be made

Take a sip from this cup,
The world says it's what you need
This cup contains a poison,
A poison called greed.


It was just one of those random things. What ya'll think about it?
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nephets...If I slept with you...Would you give me Matt's number? Hmm?



Jesus Rocks!!!
#2
Nice.......sounds like something id write for sumn gurl i hate.
just get a reality tv show and then u can make millions being a **** up

MTV Sucks

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You think you need help and you don't watch it everyday?

Oh man I'm well and truely on the point of no return then


MY COUSIN IS HOT
#3
its a pretty simple song. not great but it was nice. had a good piont.

the only part i had a problem was the last two lines. the repetition of poison totaly throws the entire song off for me. every song that does what you did feels like there wasnt a whole lot of thought put into that part. it feels to me like you had no idea how to put the next line that you had to just put something.

and the fact you ended the song with it gave it a very weak ending. it might just be me being picky but i feel like you could do a way better job. not only with the last two line but the entier song as a whole. it was pretty cliche with nothing special in the ways of metaphores or imagery or anthing like that.

overall its a mediocre song. put some more thought and time into it and i think it can end up being a very well put song. also try revising the ending. but who know. i might be the only one whos bugged by it.

anyway thats all i have. good job with this. hopefully you can fix this. id love to see this one woth more time put into it.
Whatever it is you do, DO NOT CLICK HERE! ! it will bring the end of the world upon us all!!!! I swear you click it, and you will end o.O
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#4
thanks. it was just something that popped into my head during biology. thanks for the advice. Ill try. Any suggestions?
Quote by 6sic6_blank
nephets...If I slept with you...Would you give me Matt's number? Hmm?



Jesus Rocks!!!
#5
well whenever i get stuck and find that the only line that fits is exactly what you did, i quit. haha.

but im not going to tell you that. no, what you need to do it just sit down for a while with the almighty rhymezone.com and possibly a dictionary/thesaurus and think till your brain hurts. try switching up the lines and changing the wording slightly.

i came up with this:
"Take a sip from this cup,
The world says it's what you need
drink this greedy poison
from which this cup does seethe"

i dunno. give that a try. mold it to your liking. there are a million possibilities. good luck
Whatever it is you do, DO NOT CLICK HERE! ! it will bring the end of the world upon us all!!!! I swear you click it, and you will end o.O
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#6
ok i see what your saying, thank you. By the way, does this sound christian to anybody?
Quote by 6sic6_blank
nephets...If I slept with you...Would you give me Matt's number? Hmm?



Jesus Rocks!!!