#1
No one knows what went on behind that fire
We like to think it was heroic
But we're positive that it was deadly

It came from the heavens and struck the lightning-rod unicorn. I was born that day and so were the flames. They grew as I did and they were hot - and by that I mean "sexy." I was dying to cry "fire!" in a crowded movie theater but I knew they'd hate me for interrupting their show. So I kept quiet. I let it burn. I let them burn. I learned to love the fire, and the unicorn too. It wasn't until yesterday that I realized I was one of the latter as well. Tomorrow I'm getting branded. Three letters. Burned into my mind. I denied it. I tried to hide it behind a wall of flame, and there it still lays.


I found this old piece of paper. Date unknown, but I wrote it!

Crit for crit, crat for crat, tit for tat
#2
Quote by DorkusMalorkus
No one knows what went on behind that fire
We like to think it was heroic
The first two lines are Great. They really kick it off, and drew me into the piece.
But we're positive that it was deadly

It came from the heavens and struck the lightning-rod unicorn. I was born that day and so were the flames. They grew as I did and they were hotAll good the unicorn part kinda had me going "Wheres he going with this" - and by that I mean "sexy." I was dying to cry "fire!" in a crowded movie theater but I knew they'd hate me for interrupting their show. So I kept quiet. I let it burn. I let them burn. I learned to love the fire, and the unicorn too. It wasn't until yesterday that I realized I was one of the latter as well. Tomorrow I'm getting branded. Three letters. Burned into my mind. I denied it. I tried to hide it behind a wall of flame, and there it still lays.

Overall I really enjoyed it. I really dont have any bad crit for it many because its quite different from anything I've read, I wouldn't know what to change. The only thing I can really give you some advice on is the structure. I'm not sure if its typed like that for time sequence sorta thing, makes it a little difficult to try and find the way its meant to flow but other than that I think its pretty solid.
#3
For me it felt too forcibly abstract to really have an effect. Just left me feeling like I wanted to read a different piece of yours. There's not one thing I can put my finger on, that just came from the few reads. Didn't take anything away from it, and at points, wasn't sure if there was anything you were offering anyway.

Eh.