#1
C4C Just something I came up with when I was messing around with my acoustic.

Verse
You hide in your mind
While you wish
You could really see
Who you used to be

Chorus
Echoes and Silence
Of who we once were
Will haunt us forever
'Til we crash and burn
Light turns red you refuse
To believe Who you once were
Isn't who you will be

Verse
You think its wrong
Some times right
No matter how hard you try
Time isn't on your side

Bridge
Now I count my seconds
Wishing to be back
to where I was once something
Should have known it wouldn't last

Chorus
Echoes and Silence
Of who we once were
Will haunt us forever
'Til we crash and burn
Let the lightning flfash
Until we last see
Who we once were
We never will be

Thats it, I came up with it kinda fast and only went over it a couple times.
#4
it has potential
just work on the verses some and do some touch ups and it should be pretty cool.
id love to hear it
#5
You hide in your mind
While you wish
You could really see
Who you used to be
An usual rhyming scheme here which shows potential, I was disappointed to find you didn’t continue with this in the verses. Also, I think “whilst” would be more fitting rather than “while”. Okay opening otherwise, I’m getting the feeling its about someone (most likely a girl) who’s changed for the worse…
Chorus
Echoes and Silence
Of who we once were
Will haunt us forever
'Til we crash and burn
Light turns red you refuse
To believe Who you once were
Isn't who you will be
This is the best part of your song (which is good because it’s supposed to be the catchiest) I can see a break/new musical idea after “til we crash and burn”. Ever since middle school though the line “crash and burn” reminds me of that Busted song and I just think it’s a bit cliché. I think this piece deserves more than Busted! The line “who you once were isn’t who you will be” was helpful because it tied the 1st verse into the chorus, now I can see I was right and it just expands on your original idea.

Verse
You think its wrong
Some times right
No matter how hard you try
Time isn't on your side
This lets down the chorus unfortunately. I would have expected something more like the opening verse with an ABCC rhyming. I also thought “you think its wrong sometimes right” was a bit forced? The whole thing felt forced really and didn’t flow. Perhaps expand on time or the theme of light/echoes/silence from the chorus.
Bridge
Now I count my seconds
Wishing to be back
to where I was once something
Should have known it wouldn't last
I like this, it has potential. I can see the link between time and seconds, so I’m thinking that perhaps if time isn’t on her side then is it on yours? Or do you think you could have stopped her changing? Or if time isn’t on her side then it’s not on yours either? Really leads to own interpretation which I like. The last line I didn’t like, it just jarred. Perhaps try rhyming it with something? Or at least half rhyme with the vowels?
Chorus
Echoes and Silence
Of who we once were
Will haunt us forever
'Til we crash and burn
Let the lightning flfash
Until we last see
Who we once were
We never will be
A chorus variation, nice touch. You did make a typo (not a big thing but just thought I’d let you know) and now I figure out that if time doesn’t work in her favour it doesn’t in yours. Good, I like the way I have to wait until then.

Otherwise, it’s a bit weak but as a basis of a song you’ve got a really good chorus and some nice ideas.

Feel free to add me and listen to more hilarious jokes such as the above.
#6
Quote by Courtz_
C4C Just something I came up with when I was messing around with my acoustic.

Verse
You hide in your mind
nice internal half-rhyme
While you wish
You could really see
Who you used to be
These last two lines are a little bit weak and meaningless. Give this part a stronger statement

Chorus
Echoes and Silence
Interesting combination of two very unlike things.
Of who we once were
Will haunt us forever
'Til we crash and burn
Light turns red you refuse
To believe Who you once were
Isn't who you will be
This part is pretty catchy.

Verse
You think its wrong
Some times right
unless there is supposed to be a comma following 'sometimes', this section is pretty bland and pointless.
No matter how hard you try
Time isn't on your side

Bridge
Now I count my seconds
Wishing to be back
to where I was once something
Should have known it wouldn't last
Not bad, but a little vague (which isn't necessarily bad)
.


Chorus
Echoes and Silence
Of who we once were
Will haunt us forever
'Til we crash and burn
Let the lightning flfash
Until we last see
Who we once were
We never will be

Thats it, I came up with it kinda fast and only went over it a couple times.


For a quick rough copy, this isn't bad at all. Give the verses a little more essence, meat, if you will.
#7
like the chours really ..... if u work on those verses it should make it a preety coool song.... make the verse more intresting i guess ..... more fullfilling and more capturing than they are .... make them display a story or an image if u will ... thts about it good song other wise