#1
Hi this is the first song I have ever really written, inspired by a wild night of drinking with a friend who is trying to forget his ex. It's probably a hackneyed piece of crap, was written without any revisions or anything. I would love any advice/criticism, esp. on flow and whatnot. Like I said I'm brand new to this just trying to get my feet wet so here it goes.

"One more Beer"
Well, I say, it's been a rough day, time to put my thoughts away. You treated me real rough, good thing I was born tough, but its time I put my thoughts away... All I need is

One more drink to wash the day away, I've been thinking of all the hurtful things said, Out of all this mess one thing is clear, I think its time for one more beer.

Just one more drink, its enough I think, to put my troubles behind me. O God I hope so, this should be enough I know, to finally put my troubles away...Just

One more drink to wash the day away, I've been thinking of all the hurtful things said, Out of all this mess one thing is clear, I think its time for one more beer.

Another Guinness please, or mr. Cuervo straight from the bottle, whatever it takes to get me to tomorrow, I just want my thoughts to go away...I'm sick of these nights, all the endless fights (til now),

Well I've got friends, who'll see me through, Which is good because I'm done with you, All your infidelities, insecurites, baby (I'm sorry Bitch), I hope you're finished with me because all I need is...

One more drink, enough to make me sink, it pains me to think of you... Its a good thing we are through, because all I need is...

One more drink to wash the day away, I've been thinking of all the hurtful things said, Out of all this mess one thing is clear, I think its time for one more beer.
#2
Not bad at all, although it'd help a little to critique if you wrote in easier-to-read verse form and if you gave us an idea of the genre. I like it mostly, although I'd eliminate the Mr. Cuervo reference. The song is about beer so if you want to make it a typical drinking song, no sense throwing in a random reference to hard alcohol, and especially with the too-clever 'Mr.' thrown in. If you want another substance put in a drug or something. Also, the chorus line with hurtful seems to have too many syllables to flow right, but if you have a melody to make it work then no worries. If you can give my recent post a look it'd be appreciated. luck to ya.
Last edited by ATM* at Aug 7, 2008,