Just funny sh*t you have heard that sounds, well..... funny.

Example: I was at my aunt/uncles house usin their pool and was blowing up some inflatible bed-raft thing and my uncle walks into the room and says "I see you are involved in some sort of blowjob here" (no idea if he noticed what he said or not)
And the other day my older brother hit my stepdad and goes "I beat him off with my fists". It was rather amusing.
I was talking to a friend the other day. I told him that 12 inches is the perfect size. Anything bigger than that is kinda floppy and hard to keep under control. And if it's smaller than that, you can't really make the most of it.

Of course, other people around us didn't know that we were discussing speakers.
My bro's friend smoke of f*ck loadfo weed, and his other friend was wasted, got in a car, drove at 30 miles per hour, and hit the f*cking dude smoking weed, and he flies like 10 ft back. He then continues to get up, pick up his cig, and walk away. Funniest sh*t i have ever heard.

Quote by djmay71
it wasn't 7 days, it was 5.

and you call yourself the son of catholics

Quote by hugh20
I would keep it on my mantel piece and tell my grandchildren about the day I tried to overthrow the human race with my race of tree-men.
My friend was at the bowling alley one night, and had just insulted someone he knew by calling him an asshole. He followed it with "I don't help assholes, I destroy them." Without the context of calling the other guy an asshole, then...yeah...
"I hate the black people!"

Playing Risk at the time, and my brother, who had the black figures, was winning.
It was unfortunate that his black friend was also playing.
"I don't help assholes, I destroy them."
That's amazing

One time I saw a commercial for the Chappele Show, and not being a fan of it I said "he should have styaed in Africa" referring to the time he flipped his sh*t and disappeared for about a week (remember that?) but that got me some funny looks.
Its funny cos it's out of context
Opie and Anthony Fan
XM 202 | SIRIUS 197
Linger Longer
"where this is going its gonna hurt"friends were playing halo but it sounded like something you'd hear in jail
I watched the movie 'Mr. Brooks' with my girlfriend a couple nights ago and this is one point in the movie:
Kevin Costner and Dane Cook driving and are suddenly honked at and cut off by the driver of a pickup truck. Cook complains what an asshole the driver was and Costner asks if he would like to kill the driver. Cook agrees, and Costner then asks if he would mind killing the driver even if it was a woman. Cook replies, "I don't care; an asshole is an asshole".
I laughed.