#1
Uhhh, more **** prose? This for you Jamie.


The moonlight slithered across the ground leaving criss-cross shadows in front of my feet. The trees were swaying limply in the breeze, rhythmically, almost at one with the patter from the rain on my umbrella. I had the twisty dark streets and roads of the old part of the city all to myself. The torrid glow from my cigarette suddenly blurred out as I was walking through an alley leaving me in total darkness for a few moments. When I turned the corner I was suddenly surrounded by people bustling past me. Street lights now lined the road along which cars raced and beggars lined the pavement along which shoes raced.

Somewhere else, but close, in the city, a gust of wind lifted. It zigzagged across the pedestrian crossing, weaving its way through the tide of legs. Picking up slightly, it followed its route, passing through a park. There were high green trees and the grass they were in amongst was wet and lush. There were shadows, resembling benches, scattered in different parts of the green. Some shadows had other shadows growing from them. In some of them it was a lone shadow, in others pairs, maybe even three or four. The wind had turned into a gust by now, sending the leaves that were not wet and stuck to the ground in all possible directions. It had crossed the park and was hovering along one of the entrances when it caressed a leg that was leaving, seeping through the fabric of the trousers.

“Jesus.” I thought. The cold was starting to get to me and even though it had almost stopped raining, there was a lingering drizzle. A freezing drizzle. I called a cab and got in, hoping I would have enough money to pay. “Where you goin’ to?” I didn’t answer. My thoughts were twisting upon themselves. Where was I going? I could go home, to a measly dinner and a warmish bed.

I ran out of the cab and kept running. I ran back towards the park, through the entrance where I had just been standing and in towards the paths near the old benches. I couldn’t stop running. I wasn’t running from the cab, or even from the driver’s voice. I don’t think I was running from myself. I hope I wasn’t running from my own insecurities. I bumped into someone as I was running, a woman.

She was young, about 20, she had slightly reddish hair. Not great hair, but at least she wasn’t bald. She was petite, those small arms and those small legs. The jeans she was wearing, the jacket, the smile she had for me, it was all so perfect. I didn’t understand why she was smiling, I just mumbled sorry and kept running. The grass was wet and slippery, the flat orange and yellow leaves were slithering around under my feet. When I had put about fifty feet between us I realized why she was smiling. That’s Judith. I turned around, trying to run back to her but one of those cursed leaves was precisely under my feet and I felt the amount of air underneath me become larger as I flew horizontally in respect to the ground. It was a bad fall. I felt something crack underneath me and I feared I’d broken something, but I’d only squished a beetle. Only.

I stood up awkwardly, almost landing on the ground again and I started to walk towards her. Her silhouette was in the exact same place and from where I was she was just a beautiful. I couldn’t imagine what she’d be thinking, I didn’t want to imagine it. I saw her coming closer with every step I gave and I prayed that we could stay like this, eternally walking closer, never meeting each other, living on the verge of excitement and disappointment. God wasn’t listening though. “Why were you running like that?! Are you alright? You shook the floor when you fell!” She was smiling, even laughing at how ridiculous I had to look, with an umbrella open, crooked glasses, a half finished yet put out cigarette in my hand and a goofy smile slapped across my face. I looked at her and my smile started to fade. “I was running from what I though about you” ...

The wind flew past two more shadows beside those benches, leaving civilisation behind as it climbed for ever towards the dark sky of a rainy night.
Last edited by confusius at Aug 6, 2008,
#2
I loved the shadows of a shadow image. That was cool.

Good write. Get yourself a notebook and fill it. Repeat.

#4
'The torrid glow from my cigarette suddenly blurred out as I was walking through an alley leaving me in total darkness for a few moments'

'suddenly blurred' seems contradictory to me. That sentence, for me, seems to just go on a bit long.

'Street lights now lined the road along which cars raced and beggars lined the pavement along which shoes raced. '

Seems like you're maybe just being 'poetic' for the sake of it. You've contrasted street lights and beggars which suggests that this street is... lined with rows of them? Which seems odd. THis could just be me thogh.

'Picking up slightly, it followed its route, passing through a park. '

Seems to me if it's got a route then you don't really need to say it's following it, if you see what I mean.

'There were high green trees and the grass in which they were amongst was wet and lush.'

'in which they were amongst' sounds like it should really be 'they were in amongst was wet and lush'

' Not great hair, but at least she wasn’t bald.'

I'm not sure if I was supposed to laugh, but I did.

It was entertaining to read, though I don't really know why everyone were shadows
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