#1
Crit. it , tell me how it is, etc.

I've been locked up for quite some time
and i think it's time for me to be freed
i can see through you and your demise
so you can't hide your feelings from me

no you can't hide anything from me
yeah you can't hide anything from me

You're the one who showed me the way
now i think it's my turn to show you
I can't make any promises but this one
so i'll say it as much as i can

i'll love you till the end of our time
yeah i'll love you til the end of our time

We were made for one thing and that is
to learn to love and search for it all
we'll keep searching until we find it
but i dont really care anymore

as long as i am just with you
as long as i am only with you

Love is strong enough to divide and conquer
and it takes up most of our time
Most of us will always keep searching
until we find each other again

yea we'll keep on lookin till we find love
Just keep on lookin till we find love

i'm not perfect and you're not eiither
so why must we fight til our death
we grow farther apart everytime we fight
so why must we shout and yell

this aggrivation's my personal hell
yeah it's my own personal hell

love and hate make up the universe
and ruin all of us inside
we all pick our own human natures
even though we choose the wrong paths

we all've done wrong all along
yeah we all do wong all the time

yeah we all are troubled somehow
no matter who you are
we all fight then we makeup
its all in our own mind to

yeah its up to all of you
only up to all of you
Myspace.

Quote by djmay71
it wasn't 7 days, it was 5.

and you call yourself the son of catholics

Quote by hugh20
I would keep it on my mantel piece and tell my grandchildren about the day I tried to overthrow the human race with my race of tree-men.
#2
Nice song man.. keep it up

However... topic title sounded like a" Oh we're gonna die because of global warning" thread

EDIT : just noticed some grammar mistakes in the song ...
Quote by guitarheroII

yeah we all do wong all the time


And (but that's my opinion)
It doesn't really sounds good if you repeat 2 words

Quote by guitarheroII

no you can't hide anything from me
yeah you can't hide anything from me

i'll love you till the end of our time
yeah i'll love you til the end of our time

as long as i am just with you
as long as i am only with you

yea we'll keep on lookin till we find love
Just keep on lookin till we find love

this aggrivation's my personal hell
yeah it's my own personal hell

yeah its up to all of you
only up to all of you


Before getting mad .
Critics make u better !
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Last edited by IKnowItsWrong at Aug 6, 2008,
#3
yeah but i was going for this Ludo song i heard, "Topeka".
Myspace.

Quote by djmay71
it wasn't 7 days, it was 5.

and you call yourself the son of catholics

Quote by hugh20
I would keep it on my mantel piece and tell my grandchildren about the day I tried to overthrow the human race with my race of tree-men.
#4
this is an ok song, but in my opinion it's got two problems

clumsy wording
for instance

in the first verse why did you choose freed, when free flows better and rhymes with the last line?

"I can't make any promises but this one" could easily be, i can make no promises but this one, and that flows a lot better. IMO anyway.

"we all pick our own human natures" does that not sound awkward to you? (also not sure about picking your nature, maybe thats what you were going for) how about "we each choose our nature"

"we all fight then we makeup" the repetition of we isn't great.

stuff like that.

and
simple imagery

"You're the one who showed me the way
now i think it's my turn to show you"

show is such a boring word, and you use it twice. "you were my guide, the light i followed, but now it's my time to hold the torch" still horribly cliche, just more imaginative (that wasn't an actual suggestions btw, i'm just trying to show you what i mean)

there were other lines but theres no point bringing them all up.

i'm not trying to be harsh, right now it's very plain, and it could be so much more with a bit of imagination.

hope that helps.